THINK BEFORE YOU LOOK . . .

A man sits alone with a choice before his eyes,

No one else is present as he wrestles with his lies.

A fire smolders once again from deep within his soul.

He can fuel its growing heat or choose to leave it cold.

Passion begins to flow with a force against his will;

Scenes that grip his mind bring the promise of a thrill.

Emotions rage, needs unfold from a weak and lonely heart;

In this very private moment, will he stop or let it start?

A lovely wife, terrific kids have blessed his simple life;

His gracious God and prayerful friends stand by him in the strife.

But out of sight is out of mind in this moment of clear choice;

Even the indwelling Spirit speaks with ever-fading voice.

Images entice his spirit as their beauty pierce his reason;

Setting aside real joy and peace, he indulges for just a season.

More brief and empty now seems the thrill once it is done;

Regret and shame overwhelm as the lies again have won.

He walks away so dirty, feeling lost in his defeat;

Everything he really loves he chose again to cheat.

Full of remorse in this return to the filth of where he’s been.

If only he knew how to stop this madness before it starts again.

This poem written by Daniel Henderson describes the struggle with addiction to a T.

Edward T. Welch, the author of Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave (p. 35), wrote: “Addiction is bondage to the rule of a substance, activity, or state of mind, which then becomes the center of life, defending itself from the truth so that even bad consequences don’t bring repentance, and leading to further estrangement from God.”

I was the definition of a hypocrite.  I professed that I wanted to live for God and proclaimed that I believed in pure living and respecting women.  I had never made a pass at another woman or kissed another woman, so I did not see myself as a hypocrite.  In my confused, muddled thinking, I had compartmentalized my sin. I did not realize that pornography was like radiation, contaminating every corner of my life.

What kind of man was I?  While I would never have admitted it, my actions showed that I was: uncaring, unfeeling, blind, stupid, ignorant, malicious, selfish, perverted, obsessed, afraid, proud, alone, self-deluded, lost . . .

Addicts are masters at compartmentalization.  The dictionary says “compartmentalization is a subconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.”

In my mind, I was a good, godly man, a good father, and a caring, faithful husband—I just had this problem in one area of my life. I had erected a wall of lies around this behavior.  This allowed me to lust after women in my mind and yet hold on to the belief that I was one of the “good guys” because I had not reached out to another woman on a physical level.

I was lost in denial. Treating a human being as an object for one’s own sexual satisfaction is a monstrosity. When I convinced myself that looking at pictures didn’t hurt anyone, I was only deceiving myself. How was I able to brainwash myself into believing that my fascination with pornography did not qualify as betrayal and adultery? Because this is what I wanted to believe.  I had to close my eyes to the truth in order to live with myself.

My infatuation with porn caused me to close my eyes to the true nature of my actions and the consequences of my sins.  By “putting my sin in a box” I deceived myself into thinking that what I did in private, behind closed doors, had no effect on my relationships with other people.  Yes, I had a problem, but I was working on it and I was going to fix it.

Part of me was walking around in the darkness, hanging back in the shadows.  I was always afraid of the light and what the light would reveal.  Now I see how the light I had feared was the light I so desperately needed, in order to begin to understand where I was, what I had been doing for so long, and find a way out of this whole predicament.  I was living in a fog.  This fog cut off my vision of everything—the bad and the good. I need the light that reveals my sins because this same light shows me the path to peace and joy!

From the book:  JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Available in paperback and as an e-book on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/JESUS-BETTER-THAN-PORN-Confessed-ebook/dp/B07DMF6ZQS

As well as in audio on Audible:  https://www.audible.com/pd/Jesus-Is-Better-than-Porn-Audiobook/B083S9DR8C