CO-EXISTING WITH THE NAYSAYERS
Photo: Daniel Reche
In a previous post (CRICKETS AND TUMBLEWEEDS, also posted on my website on October 28, 2018 www.irenezabytko.com ), I mentioned how hard it is for a writer to sustain and continue to believe in one’s work when the publishing world is not supportive, receptive, and giving it space in their publications or welcoming it with a book contract.
In that post, I mentioned various strategies for coping when your writing is rejected including giving yourself time away from the work, or working on other stories before returning to that unpublished story with fresh eyes.
Another suggestion was to share your work with a writer’s group or with people you trust and who can offer honest and helpful feedback about the work and ways it might be improved before resubmission.
All good time-proven advice for focusing on the work and making it stronger and better.
But what do writers do to keep themselves strong and productive when nobody is supporting you as the writer?
For most writers, quiet alone time is necessary to write and rewrite. It’s also the time to think and read and research and plot and dream and mull over the stories in our minds if not on the page.
Also for many, being a writer is not a common or acceptable calling.
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Instead of feeling supportive, encouraged, cheered on and most importantly, accepted, the writer’s nearest and dearest (friends, family, even co-workers) tend to look down and disparage the writer for being one.
There are many reasons for this. Mostly, it’s because of ignorance and jealousy.
Ignorance because writing is an art-form in addition to a highly disciplined craft which many people have no relationship with even as readers (if they read at all).
For them, It’s an otherworldly lifestyle that is still riddled with myths of drunken or drug-addled or suicidal or libidinous writers whose ethics and behaviors are so off the charts that by association, you too will be looked on with suspicion and even fear.
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Photo: Victoria Borodinova
The other response is usually jealousy. Maybe they too want to be writers, but have no idea, or time, or the courage to actually try to write.
Really, their reasons are irrelevant.
What is relevant is whether they are setting any emotional and psychological limits on you because of who you are and what you are doing.
In that case, it’s the writer who has to enforce their protective inner boundaries.
It would be great if you could avoid and cut-off all the naysayers and downer-types, but if they live with you or work with you at your so called “real” job, then it’s hard to shun them or cut them off completely.
Here are some coping strategies for those you must keep in your life but who don’t understand your need to write:
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–Don’t talk about your writing. If they ask (and they might just to goad you), simply say you are still plugging away and change the subject.
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Graphic: Pete Linforth
–Don’t share your work, especially the early drafts. If they persist in asking to see, tell them it’s a mere rough draft, and like the batter of a cake, is not yet ready for the table (food metaphors are very relatable to most people).
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–When you need to disappear to write, just say you are taking a short break and you’ll be back soon. Or it that’s too insulting to them, or complicated to fathom, tell them you need a nap.
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–If that doesn’t work, then block out time to physically take yourself away from your surroundings to write and go there. Libraries, cafes, and cars are safe havens.
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–Find a community to share your work with: a Facebook group, a writing class or group, another writer friend. Check out the bookstores, libraries or go online to find others doing and writing the things you are.
It’s almost as though you are having a secret affair, or a double-life, and in a way you are.
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Grapic: Michael Treu
No wonder you have to withhold this part of you. You have no choice when it’s imperative to protect your writing if you are being ambushed and even humiliated for thinking you can write.
It’s your life and your soul too.
You can co-exist with others who have no interest or understanding of this need to write. But only if you realize their limitations and your priorities, and then balance the two.
Writing Wisdom:
“Writing is a solitary occupation. Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer. He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking.” –Jessamyn West, American Fiction Writer.
Cheers, Irene
P.S. Need help and inspiration in writing GREAT fiction?
[image error]Find both in my writing guidebook: THE FICTION PRESCRIPTION: HOW TO WRITE AND IMPROVE YOUR FICTION LIKE THE GREAT LITERARY MASTERS.
NEW! Now in paperback: https://amzn.to/2WwRXgE
E-Book: http://amzn.to/211kQhZ
PDF: www.irenezabytko.com
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