How Grief Shapes Us

My son-in-love, David, lost his mom when he was 10 years old.

Losing your mom when you’re a young child? I see the faint flicker of his heartache in David’s eyes whenever he mentions his mom.

All of us are familiar with the companionship of grief.

Throughout our lives, we all must learn and relearn the halting steps of grief when varied circumstances, sometimes expected or tragic, ambush our hearts with sorrow.

We wrestle with questions like “why” and “how.” We try to manage our grief with stages and to piece our broken hearts back together with platitudes.

Sometimes nothing helps. Sometimes silence helps. And sometimes … sometimes something someone says helps.

David, a man well-acquainted with journeying with grief, shared a thought with me a few days ago that is helping him shoulder his loss more easily.

“Grief never gets smaller,” David said, recounting something he’d heard while watching a TV drama. “You have to end up growing bigger than your grief and you do that by letting other people in.”

We often try to downsize grief. We tell people that they should be over it, as if what they were grieving – the loss of a spouse or the loss of a relationship or the loss of a job – was no big deal. That it’s not worth the time or attention they’re giving to it. As if you can put a stopwatch on heartbreak.

But rather than minimizing grief, maybe we should give ourselves – and others – time to grow bigger than our grief so we can bear up under our pain.

What if we invited others in to our grief? Or what if we were willing to risk to step into someone else’s grief? Let’s be honest, sorrow is an uncomfortable emotion for those of us walking through it and for those of us offering someone else a shoulder to lean on.

One of the things my son-in-love did to help him face his grief? David imagined seeing his mom again in heaven one day. Sitting down and having a conversation with her, talking about all the things he’d done with his life. David wants their conversation to be good.

And it’s going to be … because my son-in-love, David? He’s chosen to grow bigger than his grief. He’s chosen to let other people into his life. I know his mom would be proud of the man he has become and will continue to become … and I’m overjoyed to call David my son.

Yes, grief can shape you … but can be a beautiful, beautiful thing.

 

How Grief Shapes Us http://bit.ly/39WDjFx #perspective #hope
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'Our grief is as individual as our lives.' Quote by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross http://bit.ly/39WDjFx #grief #perspective
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