WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a Short Story Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through March 14.

This week’s questions:

1. Do my changes work?

2. Are you pulled into the story?

3. Is my use of stylized language subtle enough that it adds to the quality of voice, or is it too distracting?

Market/Genre: Short Story

Note: This is a revised opening from 2015. Here’s the original if you’d like to see how this writer revised. 

On to the diagnosis…

Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com