The Fiver | Donating their last 13 games to charitable causes like Everton

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Happy 14 February! Your super, soaraway, self-coupled Fiver was planning to spend it like every other Valentine’s Day: on our own, watching a fuzzy, unspeakably erotic VHS called Goals Galore 1988-89. Then we realised that the Premier League’s weird, staggered, why-can’t-we-just-do-it-like-the-rest-of-Europe winter break includes a match between Wolves and Leicester that we can watch tonight! It’s the first part of a scattered fixture list that needs its own Craig David tribute song: took her for a drink to watch Southampton v Burnley, we were discussing the pros and cons of a double pivot by Monday, restraining order was in place by Thursday.

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