All Up In My Face

I had to give myself a good talking to again.  I really hate to have to do it, but sometimes I let things slide to the point where the only answer is getting all up in my face and basically shouting at myself.  (On paper, of course.)

After I die, the things written in my notebooks should be an interesting find for my heir.  Sort of an 'oh, look, Mom's yelling at herself' kind of thing.  (She already knows I do it, I think, so it shouldn't be a surprise.)  If fans ever get a hold of those notebooks, they're going to think I'm batshit crazy, but I'll be dead, so I won't care.  Maybe the crazy will make me famous.  Again, won't matter then, but maybe the Kid will make some money off my books.

Anyway, these talking-to sessions usually works.  Not especially well this time, so maybe I'm not done giving myself a dressing down.  But I did get some editing done yesterday, so it partially worked.  And I did sit down to write last night.

Unfortunately...  Crickets.  I read through the last couple chapters I'd written and then drew a blank as to where the story was headed.  I think my story generator is on the fritz.  Sometime today I'll kick it's ass, pound on it like we used to pound on the old black and white TV to get the picture to come in better, and try again.

Now, I realize my little talking-tos are not the kind of positive self-talk stuff we're all supposed to adhere to these days.  I grew up when pulling yourself up by your bookstraps met the other end of the spectrum - Leo Buscaglia.  (If you're not familiar with Leo, he was all about hugs.)  Both are effective motivators if used in moderation.  Right now, I need less hugs and more ass-kicking.

So, I'm kicking my own ass. 

Of course, the things I say to myself as such that if anyone else said them to me, I'd punch them in the mouth.  I'm the only one who can get away with it.  It usually starts with 'Okay, Meissner, what the hell is your major maladjustment?' and goes south from there.  But it gets the job done.

And lest you think I'm nothing but mean to myself, there are usually some 'you can do this' and 'you've got this' thrown in alongside the 'you whiny baby' bits and the parts that sound a lot like Bluto's motivational speech in 'Animal House'.  "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  No!"

So, today, I'll so a little bit more of this mental ass-kicking and then get some actual words down, along with editing at least 20 pages.  Or I'm gonna answer for why I didn't.  To myself.