(10/11) “My world came crashing down. Bobby’s arrest was all...

(10/11)  “My world came crashing down.  Bobby’s arrest was all over the papers.  It seemed like the whole city was laughing at me.  People at church would pull me aside, and whisper: ‘You knew about this right?  You had to know.’  But I never knew.  Forty years of marriage, four grown children, and I never knew.  How could I be so stupid?  I wanted to hide.  I wanted to disappear.  When I went to work that first day, everyone was gathered around the front desk.  And they got real quiet when I walked in.  But I told them: ‘Don’t just stand there.  I need some love.  Give me some hugs.’  Of course I was embarrassed, but I was more hurt than anything.  Bobby had deceived me for all those years.  There was no truth in our house.  I’m walking past this man every single day.  We laughing.  We joking.  And he’s not telling me anything?  I was so angry.  But I never hated him.  I wanted to comfort him.  I wanted to hold his hand.  I told Bobby later, ‘That’s how I knew I loved you.  Because even in the worst of it, I was thinking about you.’  When I first visited him in prison, he broke down crying.  His head was in his hands, and he told me: ‘I know, you’re going to leave me.’  I told him: ‘No Bobby Love, I married you for better or for worse.  And right now this is the worst.’”