On 2019, and awards, and the stupid ways my brain works

This is an awards post. This is not an awards post. I've been putting this off for ages (I'm what, two months past everyone else?) because I don't know how to write it. But maybe I just need to write it and accept that it will be as messy and tangled as my thoughts on the subject. Here is the lede unburied: I am not putting myself forward for awards consideration any more. Though I'm not going to decline nominations, or be displeased in the slightest, or stop rounding up what I achieved in a year. Messy and tangled.