Oh Hearing Aids and Fried Cheese
For the past decade or so, I’ve been getting increasingly hard of hearing. My deaf old man routine has become a joke to friends, though—thank you, friends—not a mean-spirited one. Most of them humor me by speaking louder, though some still do the move-your-lips-without-making-a-sound routine, which was sort of funny the first hundred times.
I am not alone. There are 10,000,000 people in the US with hearing difficulties, and most of us are over 65. I have had my hearing tested and diagnosed and told there is no cure, so, some six months ago I started looking online at hearing aids.
Yikes. Within days I was inundated with Facebook ads. Hearing aids run from $50 a pair to well over $4,000. The latter are sophisticated and can be adjusted with a cellphone app. The cheap ones are simply tiny amplifiers. I tried the cheap ones first, buds that fit inside the ears and basically are worthless. They’re obtrusive and adjusting them is a pain. They arrived with a tiny screwdriver used to turn the volume up or down. Do not try this with the hearing aid in your ear.
The first time I wore a pair of the cheapos, a high-pitched keening, which I learned was feedback, filled the room. I was in a restaurant with friends who were looking around searching for the sound’s origin. Eventually, they looked at me quizzically, so I popped the buds out of my ears and promptly dropped one in my salad. When I picked it out of the lettuce, the hearing aid was covered in what was a slightly acidic vinaigrette and traces of Dijon mustard.
The next pair cost me close to $300, were rechargeable, featured easy-to-work volume controls, and were largely invisible when worn. They worked well to amplify daily conversation in quiet environments but were useless in crowded situations. What I discovered I heard best were infants screaming, air conditioning, traffic noises, the clinking of forks and knives against plates, rescue vehicle sirens, and every sound my leased Hyundai makes when I drive it. Being surrounded by people talking and the ambient sound of life made individual conversation improbable. Recently at a coffee shop, an employee clearing a nearby table dropped a trayful of empty cups, saucers, and silverware. The noise exploded in my head and I emitted an involuntary moan. The people next to me moved to another table.
I should add here that the online competition for hearing aids is fierce. Every ad promises a return to the hearing ability of youth. Some come with a professional hearing test by an audiologist, and follow-up sessions. They depict people of all ages smiling beatifically. I have yet to smile, save when I take mine out.
I am told that it may take six weeks to get used to wearing the contraptions. Your brain, used to trying to filter conversations from the daily cacophony of life, will initially be thrown for a loop. The feeling that something is stuck in your ears is unpleasant, or at least it was for me. I never wear ear buds to listen to music, and people who do may not find anything unusual about the ear invasion.
You should also know that hearing aids may somewhat improve your ability to listen and hear, but they will not do anything for your comprehension.
For the past several weeks, I’ve wondered what the fried cheese network was. I kept hearing about it on the radio and thought it might be a recent offering by Burger King.
No. It’s Verizon’s new 5G network.
I am not alone. There are 10,000,000 people in the US with hearing difficulties, and most of us are over 65. I have had my hearing tested and diagnosed and told there is no cure, so, some six months ago I started looking online at hearing aids.
Yikes. Within days I was inundated with Facebook ads. Hearing aids run from $50 a pair to well over $4,000. The latter are sophisticated and can be adjusted with a cellphone app. The cheap ones are simply tiny amplifiers. I tried the cheap ones first, buds that fit inside the ears and basically are worthless. They’re obtrusive and adjusting them is a pain. They arrived with a tiny screwdriver used to turn the volume up or down. Do not try this with the hearing aid in your ear.
The first time I wore a pair of the cheapos, a high-pitched keening, which I learned was feedback, filled the room. I was in a restaurant with friends who were looking around searching for the sound’s origin. Eventually, they looked at me quizzically, so I popped the buds out of my ears and promptly dropped one in my salad. When I picked it out of the lettuce, the hearing aid was covered in what was a slightly acidic vinaigrette and traces of Dijon mustard.
The next pair cost me close to $300, were rechargeable, featured easy-to-work volume controls, and were largely invisible when worn. They worked well to amplify daily conversation in quiet environments but were useless in crowded situations. What I discovered I heard best were infants screaming, air conditioning, traffic noises, the clinking of forks and knives against plates, rescue vehicle sirens, and every sound my leased Hyundai makes when I drive it. Being surrounded by people talking and the ambient sound of life made individual conversation improbable. Recently at a coffee shop, an employee clearing a nearby table dropped a trayful of empty cups, saucers, and silverware. The noise exploded in my head and I emitted an involuntary moan. The people next to me moved to another table.
I should add here that the online competition for hearing aids is fierce. Every ad promises a return to the hearing ability of youth. Some come with a professional hearing test by an audiologist, and follow-up sessions. They depict people of all ages smiling beatifically. I have yet to smile, save when I take mine out.
I am told that it may take six weeks to get used to wearing the contraptions. Your brain, used to trying to filter conversations from the daily cacophony of life, will initially be thrown for a loop. The feeling that something is stuck in your ears is unpleasant, or at least it was for me. I never wear ear buds to listen to music, and people who do may not find anything unusual about the ear invasion.
You should also know that hearing aids may somewhat improve your ability to listen and hear, but they will not do anything for your comprehension.
For the past several weeks, I’ve wondered what the fried cheese network was. I kept hearing about it on the radio and thought it might be a recent offering by Burger King.
No. It’s Verizon’s new 5G network.
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