Real Life Diagnostics: Which Opening Page Is Better in This Historical Mystery?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through February 15.

This week’s questions:

The first excerpt is how I begin the book. I'm setting the stage and introducing the main character. Action does occur in the first scene but after I set things up. My question is, is that okay or should I put the main action first to create more of a hook?

I rewrote the scene with the action happening first but then I'm not sure how to put in the information I think the readers need without slowing down the pace.

Market/Genre: Historical Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com