South Africa v England: third Test, day three – as it happened

Dom Bess took his first Test five-for on a rain-affected day in Port Elizabeth, with South Africa recovering well to close on 208 for six

4.13pm GMT

Related: Dom Bess takes five wickets but rain, drops and South Africa stall England

4.01pm GMT

82nd over: South Africa 208-6 (de Kock 63, Philander 27) With three balls remaining, Bess takes the new ball. It’s a nice idea from Joe Root but doesn’t yield the desired wicket.

That’s the end of a long, rain-affected day’s play. It belonged to Dom Bess, who took his first Test five-for, and Quinton de Kock, whose 95% sublime/5% ridiculous innings of 63 not out gave South Africa a realistic chance of saving the game. He was dropped three times by Ben Stokes, believe it or not.

3.57pm GMT

81st over: South Africa 207-6 (de Kock 63, Philander 26) Joe Denly comes onto to bowl the penultimate over of the day - and Stokes drops a third chance at slip! de Kock tried to cut a big legspinner and sliced it towards Stokes, who couldn’t hold on to a very tough chance by his right ankle. He almost grabbed it at the second attempt - and the third and fourth - before it finally hit the ground.

3.53pm GMT

80th over: South Africa 207-6 (de Kock 63, Philander 26) Philander inside-edges a lovely off-break from Bess onto the pad, with the ball dropping short of the diving Buttler. A maiden.

3.50pm GMT

79th over: South Africa 207-6 (de Kock 63, Philander 26)

3.47pm GMT

78th over: South Africa 205-6 (de Kock 62, Philander 25) Bess gives the ball a bit more air to de Kock. He resists the temptation and settles for a no-risk single off the final delivery.

3.45pm GMT

77th over: South Africa 204-6 (de Kock 61, Philander 25) South Africa continue to bat comfortably. A wicket before the close would be such a bonus for England because there is no sense that one is about to fall.

3.41pm GMT

76th over: South Africa 201-6 (de Kock 59, Philander 24) After another quiet over, Bess has figures of 28-11-49-5. A spinner would be happy with those in the first innings of any Test match anywhere in the world.

3.39pm GMT

75th over: South Africa 200-6 (de Kock 58, Philander 24) A maiden from Root to Philander. England are racing through the overs; seven to go.

3.37pm GMT

74th over: South Africa 200-6 (de Kock 58, Philander 24) More solid defence from Philander, who has settled down after that flying start to the innings. A single off Bess’s final delivery brings up the 200. South Africa, who were 113 for five when rain stopped play this morning, have batted extremely well since the resumption.

3.34pm GMT

73rd over: South Africa 199-6 (de Kock 58, Philander 23) The light has deteriorated, so England have no choice but to bowl spin at both ends. Joe Root thus replaces Stuart Broad - and he has de Kock dropped again by Stokes at slip! Oh my, what a chance. de Kock played a really loose stroke at a ball that bounced more than he expected. It took the edge and looped towards slip, where Stokes failed to hang on with his outtstretched left hand. It was a pretty straightforward chance, certainly for Stokes. I suspect he was deceived by the lack of pace.

3.30pm GMT

72nd over: South Africa 197-6 (de Kock 56, Philander 23) Bess switches round the wicket to the right-hander Philander, who gets an inside-edge onto the pad that loops up and lands safely.

3.27pm GMT

71st over: South Africa 197-6 (de Kock 56, Philander 23) Stuart Broad replaces Stokes, who bowled a mixed spell of 5-1-26-1. Quinton de Kock treats him as he has all the other England seamers, driving delightfully through mid-on for four. He has played outrageously well.

3.22pm GMT

70th over: South Africa 193-6 (de Kock 52, Philander 23) I think England have done really well to pick up six wickets in 70 overs, because this pitch is so unhelpful. There are 12 overs remaining tonight, although I suspect bad light will stop play in the next 15-20 minutes.

3.19pm GMT

69th over: South Africa 193-6 (de Kock 52, Philander 23) Philander pulls Stokes round the corner for four, with the ball going straight through Bess on the long leg boundary. Then a push-drive for four takes de Kock to a delicious half-century, his 20th in Tests. Even by his standards, it’s been full of glorious strokes.

3.13pm GMT

68th over: South Africa 184-6 (de Kock 48, Philander 18) Bess replaces Root, who bowled a decent spell of 7-3-18-0 and had de Kock dropped. His first ball is short, wide and scythed for four by de Kock.

3.10pm GMT

67th over: South Africa 180-6 (de Kock 44, Philander 18) “With a lead of roughly 330 as I type, why, when I watch, is there only one slip?” asks Jeremy Deacon.

The logic is that it’s a slow, almost subcontinental pitch, so there is less chance both of the edge being found and of any edges carrying. Most of the catchers are in front of the wicket for mistimed drives and the like. I’d still have at least two slips for Stokes, though.

3.05pm GMT

66th over: South Africa 177-6 (de Kock 41, Philander 18) A delicate drive from Philander beats Broad at mid-off and runs away for four. He always could play - he averages 37 with the bat against England - and he has started superbly in this innings. An emphatic drive through extra cover takes him to 18 from 10 balls. That might be the end of Root’s spell.

3.01pm GMT

65th over: South Africa 167-6 (de Kock 40, Philander 9) Philander gets off the mark with consecutive boundaries off Stokes. The first was a swaggering flick-pull, the second a sweet drive between extra cover and mid-off. A clever leg-glance from de Kock makes it three boundaries in the over, at the end of which Stokes waves his cap in disgust.

2.57pm GMT

64th over: South Africa 154-6 (de Kock 36, Philander 0) South Africa’s big target in this innings is 300, which would ensure England have to bat again. Either way, so much depends on the weather in the next two days.

2.55pm GMT

63rd over: South Africa 154-6 (de Kock 36, Philander 0) Nortje played heroically, eating up 136 balls as nightwatchman. It looks like Stokes and Root waved him off the field, though I’m not sure why.

2.52pm GMT

He’s done it again. Ben Stokes smiles, almost in embarrassment at his Boy’s Own brilliance, after making a vital breakthrough. Nortje was lured into a slightly loose stroke outside off stump, and Joe Root took a seriously good low catch at second slip.

2.44pm GMT

62nd over: South Africa 154-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 36) Root continues. I’d be tempted to try Denly to de Kock, especially after what happened at Cape Town. Root is not bowling badly, though,and gets one to turn sharply past de Kock’s outside edge. Another maiden. That’s drinks.

2.41pm GMT

61st over: South Africa 154-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 36) With England needing a wicket, Ben Stokes puts his cape on for the first time in the innings. His first over is a quiet one, with everything played comfortably by de Kock.

2.36pm GMT

60th over: South Africa 153-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 35) Another harmless over from Root. I suppose this passage of play is a reminder of how well England - or rather Dom Bess - did to pick up the first five wickets so cheaply.

2.34pm GMT

59th over: South Africa 152-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 34) Curran tries something unusual, thrusting his right hand out for no reason in the middle of his run up. Nortje pulls away so Curran has to do it all again, this time without the comedy gamesmanship.

This spell from Curran looks good on paper (4-1-6-0), but he hasn’t really threatened the batsmen. It might be time for Ben Stokes to put his cape on.

Nortje has now faced more balls in this innings than all of South Africa's top three combined. #SAvEng

2.28pm GMT

58th over: South Africa 152-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 34)

2.26pm GMT

57th over: South Africa 150-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 32) Curran switches round the wicket to Nortje, who blocks everything that moves. There are 25 overs remaining tonight.

2.22pm GMT

56th over: South Africa 149-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 31) Oh my, Stokes has dropped de Kock! That came out of nothing. It was a very sharp chance at slip off the bowling of Root, after de Kock played an absent-minded dab off the back foot, and it went through the hands of the crouching Stokes.

2.18pm GMT

55th over: South Africa 144-5 (Nortje 18, de Kock 26) Nortje plays a rare attacking stroke, jumping up to force Curran through the covers for two. It’s all very quiet out there. England haven’t looked like taking a wicket since the resumption.

2.14pm GMT

54th over: South Africa 142-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 26) Joe Root replaces Dom Bess (23-9-43-5), presumably with a view to de Kock doing something rash. Not in that over: he offers a dead, straight bat (comma optional) and it’s a maiden.

“I started out as a journalist Rob,” says Elliot Carr-Barnsley. “I saw the path ahead of me and ran. I now make TV programmes, so... we all make bad decisions.”

2.10pm GMT

53rd over: South Africa 142-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 26) Sam Curran replaces Mark Wood, who was hit out of the attack by de Kock. That’s a smart move from Joe Root as de Kock much prefers pace on the ball. He edges Curran’s first delivery for a couple, all along the floor, and generally struggles to time the ball. A decent start from Curran.

2.06pm GMT

52nd over: South Africa 139-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 23) England have been a bit flat since the resumption, although Nortje and de Kock, in very different ways, have played superbly.

“Personally, I’d always greet a dog walker, if only to acknowledge a fellow sufferer,” says Andy Blamey. “I say this having walked ours home this morning after she’d repeatedly rolled in something spectacularly unpleasant.”

2.02pm GMT

51st over: South Africa 138-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 22) Another majestic stroke from de Kock, who pings a full ball from Wood through midwicket for four. Wood responds with an excellent swinging yorker, yet even that is defended with an ease that verges on the contemptuous.

It takes a special talent to have this much time against a 90-95mph bowler, and de Kock helps himself to another boundary when an exasperated Wood strays onto the pads. Wood conceded 10 runs from his first 9.2 overs. Since then, de Kock has hit him for 20 off 10 balls. Sublime batting.

1.55pm GMT

50th over: South Africa 128-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 13) A thick edge from de Kock runs along the ground for a single. That allows Bess four more balls at Nortje, who blocks the lot.

1.52pm GMT

49th over: South Africa 127-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 12) Wood is driven delightfully through mid-on for four by de Kock. He has so much time to play even the fastest bowling, which he demonstrates again by larruping a cut to the cover boundary. Wood conceded only one boundary in his first 50 balls, and that was an inside edge; de Kock then hit two of the next three for four.

“I’ve never owned a dog (and walking a parrot is just strange),” says Bob O’Hara, “but my impression is that there’s a dog walking subculture, so that you’re more likely to be trending on twitter by 9am if you don’t greet a fellow dog walker. It might be safest to let your dog go to a better home where these social niceties are better understood. Then get a parrot.”

1.46pm GMT

48th over: South Africa 116-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 1) A maiden from Bess to the strokeless Nortje, who is acting as a nightwatchman for the second day in a row. He’s doing an admirable job.

“Rob,” says John Starbuck. “Wasn’t the quote about Aristotle’s view on premature banter the whole foundation of the plot in The Name of the Rose?”

1.43pm GMT

47th over: South Africa 116-5 (Nortje 16, de Kock 1) England would love to take at least one South African with them, ideally de Kock, before rain stops play again. Wood whistles a quite vicious bouncer past Nortje, who actually played it pretty well by snapping his head out of the way. He’s got plenty of moxie, has Nortje: he made a vital 40 from 89 balls as a nightwatchman in the first Test, and here he has batted 95 balls for 16.

“Hi Rob,” says Peter Gluckstein. “Arsenal used to have a youngster called Mark ‘Blocka’ Flatts, which always seemed an advanced option for, well, a footballer...”

1.39pm GMT

46th over: South Africa 115-5 (Nortje 15, de Kock 1) The groundstaff look fidgety, which is bad news for England. A maiden from Bess to de Kock.

“I’m sure I read or heard somewhere, years ago, that Owen Parkin was referred to as ‘Disabled’ by his Glamorgan colleagues (granted, somewhat inappropriate),” says Clare Dowding, “and that Jacques Kallis was known as ‘Scrumpy’ - although that probably says a lot about a) when he was at Glamorgan and b) drinking habits in South Wales at the time. I’m allowed to say that, I was born in Cardiff and brought up in the area.”

1.36pm GMT

45th over: South Africa 115-5 (Nortje 15, de Kock 1) Mark Wood goes straight round the wicket to the nightwatchman Anrich Nortje, who is dropped by Ollie Pope at short leg. It was a really sharp chance, off the face of the bat, and Pope couldn’t hang on.

1.31pm GMT

44th over: South Africa 113-5 (Nortje 14, de Kock 0) Dom Bess bowls the last four balls of the over he started before rain stopped play. Quinton de Kock defends each and every one, and life goes on.

“Two things,” brasstacks Matt Dony. “Firstly, Robert Blanchard has made a colossal, ‘We’re gonna have a bowl’-scale error. If we’re looking at qualification through residency, then omitting the magnificent Tori Amos from his XI is a heinous oversight that might cause me to turn my back on OBOs once and for all. Secondly, we attribute ‘Nature abhors a vacuum’ to Aristotle. Might it have been a mistranslation? Did he actually say, ‘Nature abhors a competent English cricket performance. So enjoy the rain, suckers!’?”

1.28pm GMT

The restart has been delayed by a few minutes: 3.30pm local time. 1.30pm in England.

1.20pm GMT

“John Mallett, bruising Bath and England prop, was always known as ‘Shep’ at The Rec, which was in turn hacked down from the name of a cider-producing town not so far away,” says Jill Shepherd. “He now terrorises coaches and kids as director of Rugby at Millfield School, also not so far way...”

1.13pm GMT

Play will resume at 1.26pm! That’s a helluva turnaround from the groundstaff; well played them. If it doesn’t rain again, we’ll have 39.4 overs tonight. And, no, I haven’t a clue why the restart time is 1.26pm rather than 1.25pm.

1.12pm GMT

A bit of news from India...

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1.11pm GMT

“Barbara Castle should definitely be in the Redheads XI,” says Jacqueline. “Wicketkeeper maybe?”

1.07pm GMT

Elliot Carr-Barnsley has another suggestion for Dom Bess. “Surely, given Bess’s county side and evident world-class status, must be The Apple Kumble.”

When I read that I thought , ‘Ha, that’s nice’. And then a split-second later - if that - a voice in my head screamed, ‘But ‘crumble’ and ‘Kumble’ is only an eye rhyme, it doesn’t work phonetically.’

1.07pm GMT

Thanks for all your nickname suggestions. All the old favourites are there:

1.00pm GMT

“What would happen in event of the game being rained off?” asks Manish Ravala. “Would it be a tie or have there been enough overs for possible Duckworth Lewis?”

It would be a draw, at least under the old laws.

12.52pm GMT

The covers are coming off! You heard. That’s an extremely pleasant surprise, although no time has been set for a resumption.

12.49pm GMT

“Not elaborate,” says James Hodgins, “but one of the best nicknames has to be Monde Zondeki, who was nicknamed ‘All Hands’.”

Yep, that’s a good one. Although shouldn’t it have been ‘All Hand’? Oh for heaven’s sake, I’ve actually become a nickname pedant. This is a low.

12.46pm GMT

It’s raining again. I’d imagine play will be abandoned for the day in the next hour or so. But keep pressing that refresh button, because

I get paid £0.000001p for every page view and I’d love a bit of bread ‘n’ spread tonight
otherwise you might miss a Dom Bess ten-for!

12.43pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Matt Emerson. “Given the professional sportsman’s inclination to add a -y to the end of every surname I presume Dom Bess’s nickname is ‘Aunt’.”

On that note, I wonder what’s the most elaborate nickname in sport. Not that ‘Aunt’ is especially elaborate, but it’s two moves from name to nickname rather than the usual one.

12.41pm GMT

“I love a long post-tea session,” cackles Gary Naylor. “What a delight it is to see bowlers and captains who slow the game into 25 overs in the mornings and afternoons try to cope with 40 before they can go off. Comeuppance is the mot juste, I believe. If a captain can’t deliver at least 28 overs in two hours in the absence of major delays, they’re not playing it right.”

I’m loath to be too critical, especially as most mornings it takes me the best part of an hour to decide which playlist to put on in the office. Will it be Britpop 1993-94 or Britpop 1995-97?

12.37pm GMT

“Afternoon Rob,” says Robert Blanchard. “Once again, the OBO and its contributors have been shown up as sexist: all proposals for the ginger cricket team are/were men. Here is my proposal for an all-female team of redheads. I’m sure you will agree it combines leadership, aggression, poise, the ability to keep one’s head, and steady accumulation (scoring 111 is not to be sneezed at). I will brook no argument about their qualifications: Google says they are/were all redheads so it must be true.

12.21pm GMT

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12.16pm GMT

This is a bit more promising. The rain has relented and the groundstaff are milling around, trying to decide what to do next.

12.13pm GMT

“Surely a Tina Turner- inspired nickname: ‘Simply’?” says Tom Pugh. “Because at the moment, he’s Simply Dom Bess.”

You say ‘at the moment’. Does that mean he’ll be Complicatedly Dom Bess in the future?

12.06pm GMT

The covers are back on. I suspect they will stay there until tomorrow morning.

11.55am GMT

Cwicket fwends

A rain break well spent with @StocksC_cricket (and a little help from @Vitu_E) pic.twitter.com/c7WVkrSlea

11.51am GMT

Thanks Tim, hello everyone. England have already secured a moral victory in this match, but an actual win is far from guaranteed. I’d be surprised if we get any more play today, and the forecast for the rest of the match is mixed. At least England, in the parlance of our time, moved the game along in the 25.2 overs that were possible this morning. They are one wicket away from if not the tail then certainly the rump.

11.44am GMT

The rain has gone from cats and dogs to mere drizzle, so there may be hope. Time for me to hand over to Rob Smyth. Thanks for your company, your redhead XIs and your thoughts on how long a piece of cricket should be.

11.37am GMT

A man with a plan. “Following is an amended version of a proposal I have sent to the OBO earlier,” says Abhijato Sensarma. “We should take a fifteen-minutes break at the end of the third session, and return for a ‘fourth session’ during each playing day of a Test match. The first three can be shorter in duration (24 overs each) to ensure the same amount of significant play happens in the fourth one, with the players recharged and at the top of their games more frequently than what a Test’s current format allows. The presence of this ‘fourth session’ will contribute to more dynamic passages of play tactics, and help the players stay energised, especially during times of extreme weather. Thoughts?” Interesting idea, but have you ever been to a Test, Abhijato? The 20 minutes of the tea interval are too little to get to he front of the queue for a cup of tea, let alone go to the bathroom as well. So it’s hard to see 15 being much use to anyone. A fourth session, though, is well worth thinking about: the third session is often uncomfortably long, as we may find this afternoon.

11.30am GMT

“Does anyone know,” asks John Starbuck, “if Bess already has a nickname, either from school or his county? I’d have thought he should be known as ‘Good Queen’, with a soundtrack of a Brian May guitar solo.”

11.24am GMT

A thought from John Galpin. “One thing I haven’t heard mentioned in the 4 vs 5 day Test debate is the impact of the weather such as we have now. Where would this match probably be headed if this was the third day of four? It will become far easier for teams on the wrong end of a drubbing to play out for a draw. Personally I expect that far more Tests will end up as a draw, rain or light stopped play or not. Do we really want that? On the other hand it may push teams to keep up a higher scoring rate than say England did here on the first day. But to me that’s part of the magic of 5 day Tests. It enables a longer term strategy to play out and really tests the mental and physical mettle of the two opponents. That’s what makes Test cricket one of the greatest ‘all round’ sporting contests there are.” Very true.

Now that Sourav Ganguly has come out against them in his capacity as president of the BCCI, it looks as if mandatory four-dayers are dead in the water. I suspect we’re heading for a mixture, which, technically, is what we have now. There will be more four-day Tests, but still plenty of places where the full five-act drama lives on.

11.15am GMT

Not that we’re done with the redheads yet. “Morning, Tim,” says Phil Sawyer. “Anyone putting together an England red-head eleven and not including the legend that is Glen Chapple is going to incur my ire. Alright, yes, technically he never played a Test for England, but that’s an injustice that I only bring up four or five times a day.”

11.10am GMT

Back to the Pope and Bess show. “Hello, fellow Tim,” says Tim Sanders in Leeds. Always good to meet one. “If at a tangent from the religious theme, we can adapt the Gershwins and Heywards to give us ‘Bess, You Is My Spinner Now’, ‘I Loves You Popey’, whilst Somerset fans might mourn his absence on Test duty with ‘Bess, O Where’s My Bess?’” That’s absence from the 2nd XI, presumably.

11.04am GMT

“As a South African who’s lived in England for a long time,” says Matthew Kentridge, “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the state of this Test match. However, when it came to Rabada’s face, yesterday evening, as Pope scooped him backwards over his head for six, more or less with his eyes closed, there was no contest – I had to laugh. I was afraid Rabada would burst a blood vessel with the effort of keeping his mouth shut. Hope the weather clears up, but that Eastern Province rain has been known to settle in and spoil a good day’s cricket, not to mention a good holiday.” Lovely to have a bit of local knowledge, especially when it comes from my next-door neighbour in London. We got him as a Kolpak, obviously.

11.00am GMT

We interrupt this rain break to bring you more on red hair and the passing of time. “Ben Heywood (10.24) seemed down on his brown,” says Nick Killick, “but he’s revealed the great blessing of redheads – generally we transition to another colour before the grey sets in – in my case a bit blonde. We may suffer in the playground, but by middle age our revenge is being served very cold on our white-haired persecutors from youth.” Nice. And nobody ever wrote a headline about a brown-haired ninja.

10.57am GMT

“For inclusion in your red-headed team,” says Steve Hudson. “KP and Jimmy both had red streaks at some point, so they qualify by ... residence, or something?” Ha. In my memory, KP’s streak was blue, but then my memory is hazy from around the time Pat Pocock made his exit.

10.34am GMT

“Pat Pocock,” says Kim Thonger, “was a classic example of face not fitting. I remember his first sixfer. Elegant and interesting bowler, but the selectors were so incompetent at the time that they’d pick almost any other bowler ahead of him. He managed only 25 Tests in 17 years. These were the same selectors who routinely ignored Tom Cartwright. I’m still very cross with them fifty years later.” Great stuff. And yes, Percy Pocock was hard done by. But wasn’t it partly the fact that Ray Illingworth became captain, and he was an off-spinner too? And then Tony Greig took up off-breaks and bagged 14 wickets in a match. At least Pocock had an Indian summer, turning up as a golden oldie in David Gower’s team that went to India in 1984-85 and won. And then he was harshly dropped again, for John Emburey, who came straight back in after a ban, bearing his superior batting and a dismal strike rate.

10.26am GMT

“It’s lashing down,” says Ian Ward on Sky, and the camera pans around to show that, yes, Port Elizabeth has turned into Old Trafford.

10.24am GMT

Back to the serious stuff. “Speaking as a former redhead,” says Ben Heywood, “it can go one of two ways – it can all fall out (can’t think of anyone this has happened to, ahem), or the ginge tinge turns grey, white or in my case, weirdly, brown. My younger son (carrots) didn’t believe I was a ginger until I inadvisedly showed him some old pictures. Now he thinks I used to look like Ronald McDonald.”

10.21am GMT

Even this weather may be on England’s side. “Might a rain-interrupted day with perhaps an early finish be of benefit to England,” wonders Geoff Wignall. “Assuming they manage to take the remaining first-innings wickets or at least most of them? I’m thinking of course of an enforced follow-on with the bowlers sufficiently fresh and well rested.” Poor old Faf: it never rains, but it pours.

10.18am GMT

Anything Pope can do, Bess can do almost as well. No sooner has Pope become the youngest right-hander to make a Test century for England since 1954 (the early days of Colin Cowdrey), than Bess becomes the youngest English spinner to take a Test five-for since 1968, when Pat Pocock grabbed six for 79 against Australia at the age of 21. Hat-tip to Cricinfo, full list here.

10.12am GMT

“From Bangkok on a boozy afternoon,” says Mike Brady. I’m not sure if that’s the most promising start to an OBO email ever, or the most worrying. “Obviously Stokes is God, and he has a Pope, but how should we worship Bess?” As the new leader of the Dominicans, following a brief stint from Dom Sibley.

10.07am GMT

“Lovely scoreboard to wake up to,” says Kim Thonger. “I wonder if there’s a winning formula for future England home Tests? Prepare pitches for spin and select an attack of Bess, Leach, Rashid and Moeen, backed up by pace variation from Curran and Stokes. And possibly play all home Tests at Taunton.” Hang on, what about Wood? He’s just taken one of the all-time great none-fors.

10.05am GMT

“A very good morning Tim.” You can say that again, Brian Withington. “Just catching up with this morning’s OBO, not knowing who was on duty, when my heart lifted at the sight of a Norwegian Wood lyric casually yet deftly inserted into proceedings (over 34). Could I have safely addressed this email without even checking who was responsible?” Oh I don’t know – some of my colleagues have come across this old beat combo too. “What would you give to have penned the original lyric?” That is a good question. Only last Saturday, I heard Judy Collins sing it in Liverpool, bringing an 80-year-old’s elegance to bear on John Lennon’s youthful audacity.

9.58am GMT

“Root’s drop,” says the subject line of an email from George Wigley. “Great captaincy from Root: he wants Bess’s five-for to be top order, unsullied by tail enders. The foresight!”

9.53am GMT

Mid-44th over: South Africa 113-5 (Nortje 14, de Kock 0) The rain gets heavy quite quickly, like a conversation about your love life. The umpires take the players off and signal an early lunch. The morning belongs to Dom Bess, with a little help from Ollie Pope – just a couple of 22-year-olds, living the dream.

“Just woken (Well, it IS Saturday) and checked in,” said Adam Goves, “in sleepy Norfolk”, a quarter of an hour ago. “Surely Bess could have parried that C&B to Pope?! It’s totally messed up the aesthetic of an otherwise perfect scorecard, or am I being a bit greedy?”

9.47am GMT

43rd over: South Africa 113-5 (Nortje 14, de Kock 0) Denly is still on, and still collecting dots, though he does dish up one bad ball which Nortje dispatches through midwicket. Bad news, lads: rain is falling.

9.44am GMT

42nd over: South Africa 109-5 (Nortje 10, de Kock 0) So the best day of Pope’s career has been followed by the best day of Bess’s. Amazing stuff. For the good of the game, we could now do with a scintillating counter-attack from de Kock.

9.40am GMT

Dom Bess gets his five-for! Not his best ball, short and wide, but it turns enough to take the inside edge as van der Dussen shapes to cut. Bess has five for 41, and Joe Root no longer has to feel bad about that drop.

9.37am GMT

41st over: South Africa 109-4 (Nortje 10, van der Dussen 24) One batsman’s aggression infects the other as Nortje cuts Denly for his first four and reaches double figures off his 81st ball. At this rate, he’ll be 42 not out when South Africa secure the draw on Monday night.

9.35am GMT

40th over: South Africa 103-4 (Nortje 6, van der Dussen 23) Out of nowhere, van der Dussen tucks into Bess. A lofted on-drive for four, a force into the covers for two, a slog-sweep for four more, and then, with the field in sudden retreat, an easy single. Is this a change in the weather?

9.32am GMT

39th over: South Africa 93-4 (Nortje 6, van der Dussen 12) Spin from both ends! Bess’s Laker finds his Lock in the form of Joe Denly. who took his first Test wickets in Cape Town. He makes a tidy start, going for just a single.

9.29am GMT

38th over: South Africa 92-4 (Nortje 6, van der Dussen 11) The scoreboard is suddenly rocking, but only because a big turner from Bess goes for four byes.

“An English red-headed XI?” says Ian Forth. “Bell, Crawley Z, Collingwood, Bairstow J, Morgan (captain), Pope, Stokes, Bairstow D (wkpr), Batty, Sidebottom A, Sidebottom R. 12th man: Fairbrother.” Combustible but effective.

9.24am GMT

37th over: South Africa 88-4 (Nortje 6, van der Dussen 11) Nortje, after making three off 66 balls, sensationally doubles his score with a leg glance off Broad.

“The Smarmy Army,” muses Peter Gingold (26th over). “Nice idea. But, sad to say, they’d have to stay in the UK on account of emissions from international flights.”

9.20am GMT

36th over: South Africa 84-4 (Nortje 3, van der Dussen 10) Bess’s arm ball kisses the edge as Nortje goes back and Root, at slip, spills a simple chance. Bess responds with no more than a rueful grimace, which is big of him given that that should have been his first Test five-for.

Here’s David Winter in Paris, questioning the very process of the OBO. “Are you live reporting on the third Test from the press box in Port Elizabeth, in the newsroom at Guardian HQ whilst surrounded by dynamic colleagues breaking news stories from around the world, or are you sat in your pants on your sofa at home?” That would be telling.

9.15am GMT

35th over: South Africa 83-4 (Nortje 3, van der Dussen 9) Broad tries a bouncer. Nortje faces the music, gets the splice on it, and would give a simple catch to short leg if Pope wasn’t so deep.

9.13am GMT

34th over: South Africa 83-4 (Nortje 3, van der Dussen 9) Nortje takes a single off Bess, who is now coming round the wicket, and van der Dussen plays the first attacking stroke since du Plessis. And it’s a very good one – a dance down the track and a clean hard hit past mid-on.

“Morning Tim.” Morning, Diana Powell. “What a magnificent bird on the photograph of the ground. What is it? Does it take catches on the boundary?” That bird has flown, alas – though perhaps somebody spotted it and can answer the question. All the time I should have spent with Observer’s Book of Birds went into Wisden.

9.06am GMT

33rd over: South Africa 78-4 (Nortje 2, van der Dussen 5) This collapse began with a caught-and-bowled and Broad comes close to another one as van der Dussen is deceived by a leg-cutter. And that’s drinks, with England so dominant that it’s hard to believe.

Matthew Doherty has a question. “Has this Test secretly been re-allocated to Old Trafford 1956?” It’s true that Bess is in with a chance of being both Laker and Lock here. According to our friends at Cricinfo, he’s the first England spinner to take four wickets in the first 25 overs of a Test innings since Graeme Swann at Cardiff in 2011. But that was a second innings, and it didn’t even last 25 overs.

9.00am GMT

32nd over: South Africa 78-4 (Nortje 2, van der Dussen 5) Bess keeps it tight as van der Dussen clips to midwicket for a single and Nortje blocks his way to 50 (balls).

“Well,” says Richard Mansell, “if one is South African this is as depressing as it must be exhilarating for England fans. It looks like we are heading for an innings defeat.” I realise that words of comfort from an Englishman may only make things worse, but ... Long way to go, and that rain has to come along some time.

8.56am GMT

31st over: South Africa 77-4 (Nortje 2, van der Dussen 4) Broad has two short covers and no fine leg, so they might as well be in Sri Lanka already. He breaks off from bowling cutters to present Nortje with a lovely inswinger, which very nearly clips the off bail.

8.53am GMT

30th over: South Africa 77-4 (Nortje 2, van der Dussen 4) Anrich Nortje keeps Bess out and nicks a single off the last ball. He’s now faced 39 balls, more than anyone else in this innings except Elgar.

“Morning Tim,” says David Horn, “and what a fine one it’s turning out to be. Was wondering how Matt Parkinson might be feeling? Dom Bess wasn’t even in the original squad. Are we picking leg spinners for a tour just for the craic? I’m assuming he’s heading for the door marked ‘Mason Crane’ about now.” Ha, you’d be spot-on if there wasn’t a tour of Sri Lanka next. Parkinson will presumably be there unless Adil Rashid finds a miracle cure for his shoulder.

8.47am GMT

29th over: South Africa 76-4 (Nortje 1, van der Dussen 4) By playing noticeably straight, van der Dussen deals better with Broad and picks up another two.

“Good morning from Port Elizabeth,” said Piet Morant, half an hour ago. “Looking forward to your fine commentary, especially since I turned down tickets at work from my colleague Alan when I saw how likely it was to rain, hour on hour [Preamble, below]. He was sure the rain would not come until this evening, but said you can’t count on the forecasters. ‘No, Alan, you can’t!’ Now he’s at the ground and I’m stuck at home with my windy dog.” As Rob Smyth would say: ach, sorry.

8.44am GMT

28th over: South Africa 74-4 (Nortje 1, van der Dussen 2) Another maiden from Bess, who has 11-4-22-4 and has surely inked his name into the tour party for Sri Lanka.

8.42am GMT

27th over: South Africa 74-4 (Nortje 1, van der Dussen 2) Mark Wood takes a break to rest on Bess’s laurels. Stuart Broad enters the fray and almost joins in the fun as Rassie van der Dussen, flummoxed by a cutter, chips into the covers, not far from Joe Denly.

8.40am GMT

26th over: South Africa 72-4 (Nortje 1, van der Dussen 0) Bess whistles through a maiden to Nortje, with scarcely a thought for people trying to write OBOs.

“Looking forward to a great day,” wrote Leo a couple of wickets ago. “Meanwhile... ‘not even Jerusalem dampens the excitement’? [08:02] So what do we really think of the Barmy Army? Did I also detect a slight world-weariness creeping into the OBO yesterday as whoever was writing suggested he or she was somewhat unbeguiled by the continued carryings-on of the Crazy Corps? Has what started so many years ago as a slightly self-deprecatory unit of hard-core England supporters willing to brave the rigours of sometimes challenging foreign travel developed into something that, instead, now rather prominently displays elements of the Great British psyche perhaps better kept at home? And, if so, what can be done?

“Last night I had a dream... that, as an antidote, we Guardian Readers started to consider organising a small rival force of travelling supporters that will go out of their way to show another side of the English character. A group that will aim to ingratiate themselves with the host nation, cheering rather than denigrating the opposition at every opportunity, backing wholeheartedly the umpires’ adjudications, and taking care to compliment the ground staff on preparing such superb wickets! Who knows, taking the lead from the delightful Japanese World Cup fans a couple of years ago, this newly Regenerated Regiment could even stick around to help clean up the stadium after the day’s play. Come on, Guardian Readers! Why not?! After, of course, each of us has dutifully subscribed and contributed to the paper proper, let us join together to form our own brand of more ‘woke’ and enlightened supportership, We could do it! Come on! Let’s hear it for The Guardian’s own Smarmy Army.”

8.34am GMT

25th over: South Africa 72-4 (Nortje 1, van der Dussen 0) The nightwatchman is in danger of ending up not out here. Nortje almost falls to Wood, fending close to the inevitable Pope at short leg, but then plays a wily tuck that gets him off the mark, and, more importantly, up the other end. Wood has the unlikely figures of 7-4-7-0. He has been far more threatening than Bess, but the pitch is on Bess’s side, and so are the gods.

“On the pop quiz question [22nd over],” says Alex Bramble, “it has to be the stylistically contrasting David Ivon Gower and Alastair Nathan Cook.” We have a winner. “And,” he goes on, “I’m struggling to contain my enthusiasm about Pope; I haven’t felt this excited since, well, Joe Root, and Iron Bell before that (and yes it looks like Pope deserves such exalted comparisons!).” It does.

8.29am GMT

24th over: South Africa 71-4 (Nortje 0, van der Dussen 0) Faf had actually started well, dancing down the track to off-drive Bess for four, then repeating the trick next ball. But Bess stuck at it and got lucky. Poor old South Africa – they’re making England’s youngest players look like world-beaters.

8.26am GMT

Another one! Another big one! Faf du Plessis tucks Bess round the corner, where the unstoppable Pope pops up to take a simpler catch at square short leg. Dom Bess has FOUR FOR 22. The world has gone completely mad.

8.21am GMT

23rd over: South Africa 63-3 (Nortje 0, du Plessis 0) Another maiden from Wood, who seems to be adding parsimony to his arsenal. If he could just stay fit, he might well be England’s Mitchell Johnson.

“I know this is so yesterday,” says James Gladstone, “but what kept me awake here in Chiangmai last night was ‘what the hell is a former redhead’, and subsequently – could there ever be or have been an XI of redheads given we’ve got potentially 3 already...?” I shudder to think what you’ve started.

8.20am GMT

22nd over: South Africa 63-3 (Nortje 0, du Plessis 0) Root had just moved Pope to silly point, so full credit for that and time for the doubters to be silenced. What a match Pope is having. Yesterday, aged 22, he became the youngest right-hander to make a hundred for England since Colin Cowdrey in 1954 (hat-tip, the Times). In the past 66 years, two left-handers were even younger – can you name them?

8.15am GMT

An inside edge, a pop off the pad, a dive forwards from silly point – and England have the wicket they most wanted.

8.12am GMT

21st over: South Africa 61-2 (Elgar 33, Nortje 0) Wood’s pace again bothers Elgar, who flaps at a short one. The ball loops up and would be caught if there were two leg slips. Can’t blame Root for that.

8.07am GMT

20th over: South Africa 60-2 (Elgar 32, Nortje 0) It’s Dom Bess at the other end, so no Stuart Broad for now. He too opens with a maiden, but there are no alarms for the nightwatchman Nortje.

8.06am GMT

19th over: South Africa 60-2 (Elgar 32, Nortje 0) Wood does it again, third ball, and twice hurries Elgar into crabby deflections with a crooked bat. As first overs of the day go, that’s superb. But already the commentators are chuntering about a missing catcher, at second slip. Root did well on one side, with a short leg and a leg slip, but something in him keeps on wanting to overdo the caution. Maybe it’s the years he spent watching Alastair Cook setting the field.

8.02am GMT

It’s Mark Wood (hooray) and he opens with a jaffa – angled into the left-handed Elgar, and jagging past him. Not even Jerusalem can dampen the excitement.

8.00am GMT

“What times we live in,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Looking forward avidly to a day’s Test coverage. Thanks, in advance, for the great commentary, Tim.” Steady on. That could be like saying thanks, in advance, for the great captaincy, Joe.

7.59am GMT

Not only are England in charge, but the weather is better than forecast and the day seems to be starting on time. Something must be about to go horribly wrong, and Abhijato Sensarma is onto it. “The England Test side is easily one of the most volatile sporting outfits in the world. They oscillate from positions of comfort and advantage to ones of disarray and disadvantage, often within the same session. Yesterday was their best day in Test cricket for quite some time - the experienced players kept a cool head, while the young ones showed adequate style on their way to substance. The media is printing positive headlines for this team after a long time. If they do not follow it up with classical confusion, rusty bowling, and average fielding to surrender their advantage today, would the world even make sense anymore?”

4.14pm GMT

Morning everyone. England’s cricketers have just woken up to face an unfamiliar challenge: how do you follow a perfect day? Yesterday they had one fresh-faced 22-year-old making a masterly hundred, and then another grabbing two top-order wickets. England finished the day 439 ahead, with Dom Bess lording it at one end and Mark Wood delivering thunderbolts at the other. The good news for South Africa is that their task is simple enough: all they have to do is dig themselves out of a deep hole.

One piece of evidence is on their side. So far in the third Test, not a single wicket has fallen before lunch. England should be able to change that curious fact with their tails up and a nightwatchman to bowl at – although, the last time he found himself doing this job, Anrich Nortje made a handy fortje.

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