Sometimes I Get A Great Notion

My oldest just got home from school. She is giving me one-word answers when I ask her about her day. She is way too cool to talk to her mother.

ME: Do you have homework today?

SHE: Obviously.

ME: Do you need to use the computer?

SHE: No.

ME: Oh, that's good, because I need to use the big desk. What kinds of homework do you have?

SHE: The usual.

ME: Meaning?

SHE: (a long-suffering hiss. a suck of air through clenched teeth.) Mom….

ME: It's just that I'm terribly curious. You're gone all day. I'd like to know what's pouring into that head of yours.

SHE: Dust and ash. And other people's hormones. And Middle School stinks. Because the boys don't wash.

ME: Do you want to do your homework upstairs? Then we can work together.

SHE: I'll think about it.

ME: Though I should warn you: I'm revising. I'll probably start randomly reading out loud.

SHE: Your point? You always read out loud.

ME: It's just that I'm warning you. Because I'll sound like a crazy person.

SHE: (Heaving a great sigh.) Mom. I already know you're a crazy person. It doesn't matter what you sound like. I've known that since the day I was born.

Parenting, ladies and gentlemen. It's not for sissies. Or people with low self-esteem.

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