Portrait of a Girl with Braid & Letting Go

Last week, we visited Hokkaido, Japan’s nothern most island. As someone who grew up in and loves snow, it was so refreshing to feel winter, see the snowflakes falling and crunch on the ice.

While we were there, I briefly saw this beautiful young woman standing in front of a mirror. She had dark hair tightly pulled back in a long, thick braid. She quickly turned and looked at me as I walked by and I immediately wanted to paint her. I didn’t do her (or her braid) justice but! it was a lovely reason to paint something for myself. The whole piece was done in Caran D’ache Neocolor II crayons (save for the pink colored pencil which I sketched with).

I rarely use these water soluble crayons exclusively. Instead, I usually mix them with gouache, but I wanted to see what was possible with limiting the media. I wanted a winter scene so I pulled out some cold colors and just blocked in large areas.

Looking back now, I sort of wish I’d kept the stylized profile of her face but I’m always learning and making adjustments. Since I learned to paint realistically, it’s a really slippery slope when I let myself turn towards the way things ‘should’ be. I worked to simplify the hands as well.

I knew I didn’t want any black as it can sometimes dull a painting (although I later added some to her eye).
I kept her hair a dark blue.

This was four hours in. (At this point, I stopped working on it, so I could come back with fresh eyes). Looking back, I should have left the face alone. I overworked it! Honestly I woke up this morning, looked at this and wanted to rip it up, start over, do something not so tight. But I’m learning to let go and just make stuff and move on to the next thing. (More on that in a bit.)

I wanted her face to be in focus but the rest of it to be unruly and unfinished. I laid down some layers of color and then went over them with a small (wet but not too wet) paintbrush. The brush was old and splayed out and I caught the metal of the brush on the paper too, which is why you can see scratches.

Again - should have just left it at this. Letting go is literally the hardest part and you don’t realize it until you’ve overworked something. The final addition was the snow. I almost added it in gouache because the crayons can fight against each other if you layer too much. Instead, I dipped them in water and worked them into fussy areas.

And finished!

Ok, let’s get back to that whole ‘letting go’ bit.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of loosening my grip when it comes to making art (amongst other things in my life). Often, when I’m in the middle of a painting, I’m not even focused on what I’m doing, but rather my mind is busy blocking all of the bombarding thoughts of my inner critic. I’m worried about what my painting will say or reveal about who I am or what I want to be making in my career. I worry if the current project is in line with ‘my style’. For a clear example, we’ll take this very painting. I do not want to be making realistic work, though this painting to me harks back to older work which I denounced long ago. I ignored the urge to start over when I realized it was becoming too realistic, and just accepted this as a learning opportunity. I have to let go of my inclination that every painting should define something new for me (or define me at all). Or the assumption that every piece of work has to be monumental. What’s best, is that when I let go and feel ease about the process, gratefulness seeps in.

I’m grateful for what I learned in this process:
- Balancing warm and cool colors
- Directing focus
- Balancing competing textures

And I’m grateful that I get to paint at all. When the sun burns out, our paintings will too, if they last that long. So (note to myself, and you too, if you need it) let go of your tight grip on the process and just explore. Have fun, make a ton of work, when you see a girl with braided hair, paint her. It’s really not that big of a deal.

xo, Becca