A Long Walk

In the ruins of solitude, I took a stroll,

I shouldn’t,

In the nights of love where desires crept from my veins and poured through my heart,

I had nothing but only my pen to write and a book to read,

In the days of winter where the cruel weather yearn to find someone to fall for,

I had my solitude.

In the labyrinths of my dreams and passions, I spent my days,

Living in exile, working day and night out to make it come true,

Little do I know that I am losing myself?

Little do I know what I am going through?

The tiredness in my eyes speaking through the hungry body,

The yearning for someone’s touch and that thirst for someone’s love,

That touch of a stranger and that kiss and that intimate feeling, I’ve never known,

Maybe I won’t ever, maybe the time has gone.

Maybe every night I will take a stroll in the labyrinths of solitude just to meet myself.

Gone are the days where I found the one,

Gave her my everything,

Wrote for her, ate for her, slept for her,

But she crept thought my body and mind and took control,

And made me nothing a troll.

Four years of love did nothing,

Four years of loving through all my heart and mind,

Did nothing, all I ever been through was in love with a wrong person at a wrong time,

I took it far, very far than anyone could ever imagine.

Burned my identity,

Lived, loved and now, I see myself with pity,

When you look so pretty,

You still haunt and make me gritty.

I am scared to give this precious heart to anyone now,

I’m scared to droll over someone and say, wow,

I’m scared to pour over my feelings for her on a piece of paper,

Only to come at a point, where she won’t love me anymore and that paper will be left with a scrapper.

I know, you’ve forgotten me,

When people take two minutes to remind you of my existence,

Where I have taken four years trying to forget you,

But, I couldn’t, maybe you’re that bug that stuck, and fucked me, brains over my heart.

Four years have gone by,

Stuck in a one-sided relationship,

But nothing comes out of it,

I live through it every day.

I get reminded of you in the lonely winter nights,

The harsh cold weather,

I never know what holding someone in arms feels like,

Maybe I never will.

I may never fall in love again,

Because of the pain, it put me through,

But this heart, what to say,

It yearns someone,

Someone to be close with, someone with whom I can share what I have inside me,

Who’ll accept me?

But, I take a stroll in a place called solitude,

Where there lies a graveyard of my past,

Where past people remind me that you exist,

Also, remind me that you’ve forgotten my whole existence.

And there I got, rot deeper and deeper, into the hell of solitude,

Trapping myself with work, office, novels, poetries, writings,

Whatever I can to stay off you,

Some days I don’t even think about you,

But some days, as I say, life hits you in your face.

I have been fallen many times.

Hit many times by life,

Also decided to never give up,

But this has to stop.

Maybe you weren’t the problem may be, it was me all over,

I have loved, and now I am scared to fall in love,

Get my heartbroken,

So, it takes a lot of time to fix.

Maybe I love myself too much to get it broken,

So that it doesn’t need any fixing,

Maybe, that might be,

That is why, I stroll in the lanes of solitude.

I know life is hard, without you,

But with your presence, life was painful,

The without is much better and acceptable,

But sometimes, I get palpable.

This is the longest I have walked,

This is the longest I have written,

This is the longest I have talked,

This is the longest I have been silent.

Maybe you’ve knowingly or unknowingly changed me,

Maybe as I take my stroll in the lanes of solitude,

I have learned my lessons of love my way,

But scared to implement them.

It hurts to see you with that moron in photos,

Hurst to see you with a loser, I thought I deserved you,

But, here I am strolling through,

While I still think about you.

One day we might meet,

But I won’t greet,

I won’t smile, I won’t laugh,

I will leave in front of you, while you keep looking at me,

Treat you like a stranger,

Because that is how you came into my life as, a stranger,

Then we got to know each other,

Things changed,

Maybe being strangers are good than knowing each other and getting hearts broken,

Desire burned alive, dreams shattered,

No one has this strength to walk in the lanes I walk,

No one can talk the thing I talk,

No one has this kind of life that I live because of you,

You’ve changed me.

Well, now, things turn around,

I must hit the ground,

Start the race of following my dreams,

Before I scream of your name.

I will hit hard this thing called life,

Smash every feeling of you right where it deserves,

Take my pen out, cut my veins and dribble out stories and poetries,

Because it is time, time to show, myself who I am and what I deserve.

I now move on, from this thing called “One-sided love”

I don’t want to walk in these lanes again,

Don’t want to hurt me,

Time has come to bleed on the blank paper while drinking my coffee.

I know, writing this doesn’t make any sense,

Putting it on paper and sharing it online doesn’t matter to you,

Because you have forgotten me long ago, why should it even make a difference?

I’m doing this for me.

You came into my life, smiled and my heart filled with butterflies,

You sat in one corner of the class, while the flask of my imagination,

Carved out stories, to tell you,

Then you departed leaving things unsaid, and I stood broken.

But, now things have gone past,

I take a pen and bleed the flask of my imagination while drinking my coffee,

I removed all distractions, delete all contacts, that know you or share your photo,

Remind me of you,

I want to forget you ever existed.

S, you’re fucking dead to me.