The 'Workmen' -part 1 - by Arun D Ellis
Hi
I hope you all had a nice Christmas and have a great new year
I've attached a copy of the first episode of 'The Workmen' from 'Murder Mayhem & Money' which also appears in the compendium edition 'Daydream Believers' which incorporates the books - 'Helter Skelter', 'Murder Mayhem & money' & 'The Cull'.
I do hope that you enjoy it
Cheers and once again - Happy New Year
Arun
episode 1
Workmen
Barry slumped onto the verge, regretting the decision even as his buttocks hit the turf. He'd struggle to get up from this position and his gang was just up the road and ready to take the piss. He could hear the comments in his head, fat bastard, beached whale and other such insults just waiting to find an outlet. Still, he was here now and he might as well get on with it.
He pulled out his note pad and punched the number into his phone. It was only 30 seconds before it connected but he was through to the usual auto service; if you want blah, blah press 1 or if you want such and such press 2. It took him 4 minutes to get through to the service he wanted, then there was a queue and he had to wait a further 5 minutes before a female voice came on the line.
"Hello, my name is Jane. How may I help you today?"
"Ah Jane," he said, for a moment forgetting why he'd called, "My name's Barry Halliwell, I'm ringing because I got a parking ticket the oth....." He was aware he'd put on his telephone voice, articulating carefully in the hope that a show of good breeding would get a better result.
"We can't take payments over the phone," said Jane, helpfully, "you need to send a cheque to the address on the back of the parking charge."
"Ah, no, that's not what I was after, erm.....I sent a letter with a copy of the ticket that I purchased on the relevant date." He spoke fast hearing her draw breath for her next dismissal, "the letter explained that I had displayed the ticket, but when I shut my car door the ticket must have blown off the dash into the car well and was missed by your warden. So I did in fact buy a ticket and, therefore, shouldn't have to pay a fine."
"Tickets have to be displayed," said Jane, brightly.
"Ah, yes I know that," he kept his voice even, "and it was, but on this occasion the wind must've blown it off the dash when...."
"Tickets have to be displayed," repeated Jane.
"Right," it was getting harder to maintain the even tone, but he managed to swallow his irritation, "I know that but the main point is that people buy a ticket, I mean, that's the whole point right?"
Jane didn't respond.
"That's the whole idea, to pay for the parking space for a given period of time, well I did pay and I have the ticket to prove it...."
"Tickets have to be displayed," said Jane, adding firmly, "at all times."
"I know that, Jane, but I'm telling you I bought a ticket, so I rented the space, and something occurred be it an act of god or what, but something occurred so that the ticket fell from my dashboard into the car well. I didn't avoid buying a ticket, I bought one, still have it and sent you a copy...." He was losing it, and losing her, he knew it but he couldn't stop.
"I'm sorry sir," said Jane, her voice still at the same equable pitch, "but I will have to terminate this call."
"Don't do that," said Barry, wildly, "it took me fifteen minutes to get through."
"Sorry sir," said Jane, sounding anything but, "I've advised you that tickets must be displayed so I can't help you any further, good day," with which she hung up.
Barry clenched his fists, incandescent with suppressed fury, knowing it was bad for his blood pressure but momentarily unable to get a grip. He breathed deeply and counted to 10 then punched the number in again. His heart slowed to normal during the enforced waiting period. He avoided looking at his team idling down the road, working on the childish premise 'if I don't look at you, then you can't see me.'
It was 10 minutes before he heard the voice he'd been waiting for.
"Hello, my name's Gareth, how may I help you today?" Smooth, silky.
"Hi Gareth," said Barry, aiming for instant camaraderie, "I'm having a little problem with erm.....a parking ticket."
"We can't take payments over the phone, sir" said Gareth, helpfully, man-to-man, "you need to send a cheque to the address on the back of the parking charge."
"I know that, Gareth but the thing is, you see, I did buy a ticket so this fine isn't really relevant to me."
"Was it adequately displayed in your car window sir?" asked Gareth.
"Right," said Barry, thinking 'this is going pear-shaped fast', "let me explain ..."
"I'm sorry sir," said Gareth, oil-slick smooth, "unless the ticket was displayed in your car window I won't be able to help you."
"I get that," desperation was taking his breath away, "but can you please explain the purpose of buying a ticket?"
"To rent the parking space sir," said Gareth, happy to oblige, "but the ticket has to be displayed. It's part of the terms and conditions. This is displayed on the sign where you would have purchased the ticket and on the reverse of the ticket."
"So you don't dispute that I bought a ticket?" This is not what he had meant to say, the conversation was getting away from him again.
"I'm not in a position to comment on that, sir."
'Stop calling me sir when you mean shithead', Barry thought savagely, whilst forcing his voice into an even tone, "Surely you have a procedure in place that takes accidents into account?"
"The rules and terms are clear; the ticket must be clearly displayed."
"But that's criminal," now he'd lost it, "that means you get money for the parking and then you get to fine people 60 quid with no recourse or....."
"I'm afraid I can't progress this any further sir," said Gareth, all firm and righteous, "so I'm terminating the call, good day."
"Don't..." shouted Barry to the dial tone, "You fuckin' bastard, right, I'll 'ave you!" he snarled, manhandling the number into his phone, cursing violently as each digit went in, heart palpitating ferociously as he waded through the auto service and this time waiting a further 20 minutes for an operator, neurotically convinced they knew it was him and were making him wait longer on purpose.
"Hello, you're through to Diane," yet another well-modulated voice. Were they churning them out of a fucking sausage machine somewhere? "How may I assist you today?"
He launched straight away into his speech, hoping to catch her unawares, "I bought a parking ticket and I placed it on the dashboard of my car, but when I returned to my car I had a parking fine ...."
"Ah, well sir," began Diane.
"If you could just wait for me to finish please Diane, you see I then sent a copy of the ticket and a letter explaining what must've happened to...."
"Was the ticket displayed in your car window sir?"
"It was when I left the car but it must've fallen off...it was on the floor," he was aware how piteous he sounded; it was all he could do not to cry in rage and frustration.
"If the ticket wasn't adequately displayed we are entitled to levy a fine...."
"Surely once I present evidence that I bought a ticket ............"
"Do you still have the ticket sir?" asked Diane.
Breakthrough, he thought, she's listening, "Yes I do Diane," he said warmly, he could cuddle her.
"Good," said Diane, her voice bright and even more helpful than before, "then if you look on the reverse you will see it says in the terms and conditions...."
He blinked. For a moment he was too shocked to speak, then he rallied, he'd come too far to stop on a technicality, "Yes I know what it says, but you're not listening to me, I paid for the ticket, I paid to park there and now you're fining me for an act of god."
"The rules and terms are clear; the ticket must be clearly displayed."
"Diane, please, am I talking to a human being or a robot here? I'm telling you that I bought your lousy ticket, I paid to park there, this fine is all wrong."
"I'm sorry sir, but unless the ticket is adequately displayed...."
"Right!" said Barry, "in that case give me my money back. The money I paid for the parking ticket, £3.50, I want it back. If you're going to fine me anyway then you have to give me my money back."
"I'm sorry sir," said Diane, sounding infinitesimally off-balance. He felt like he'd scored a goal at Wembley, "there are no circumstances under which we'd offer a refund."
"But I paid for the ticket, I paid to park there, so you owe me a fucking refund if you intend to sting me for 60 quid."
"If you are going to verbally abuse me," said Diane, balance restored, "I will have to terminate the call, good day."
He dialled again, he would do this all day if he had to; it now meant more to him than his job, in fact he would commit the rest of his life to achieving this one thing. Verbal abuse? I'll give you verbal abuse. He readied himself to launch a vitriolic tirade when he heard an electronic male voice on the other end, "We have received several nuisance calls from this number, therefore, I'm immediately terminating this call."
Hope you have a nice weekend
Cheers
Arun
Books in the Corpalism Series
'Corpalism' is the compendium editions which includes -
'Daydream Believers' is the Compendium edition which includes
'Wise Eyed Open' is the Compendium edition which includes
I hope you all had a nice Christmas and have a great new year
I've attached a copy of the first episode of 'The Workmen' from 'Murder Mayhem & Money' which also appears in the compendium edition 'Daydream Believers' which incorporates the books - 'Helter Skelter', 'Murder Mayhem & money' & 'The Cull'.
I do hope that you enjoy it
Cheers and once again - Happy New Year
Arun
episode 1 Workmen
Barry slumped onto the verge, regretting the decision even as his buttocks hit the turf. He'd struggle to get up from this position and his gang was just up the road and ready to take the piss. He could hear the comments in his head, fat bastard, beached whale and other such insults just waiting to find an outlet. Still, he was here now and he might as well get on with it.
He pulled out his note pad and punched the number into his phone. It was only 30 seconds before it connected but he was through to the usual auto service; if you want blah, blah press 1 or if you want such and such press 2. It took him 4 minutes to get through to the service he wanted, then there was a queue and he had to wait a further 5 minutes before a female voice came on the line.
"Hello, my name is Jane. How may I help you today?"
"Ah Jane," he said, for a moment forgetting why he'd called, "My name's Barry Halliwell, I'm ringing because I got a parking ticket the oth....." He was aware he'd put on his telephone voice, articulating carefully in the hope that a show of good breeding would get a better result.
"We can't take payments over the phone," said Jane, helpfully, "you need to send a cheque to the address on the back of the parking charge."
"Ah, no, that's not what I was after, erm.....I sent a letter with a copy of the ticket that I purchased on the relevant date." He spoke fast hearing her draw breath for her next dismissal, "the letter explained that I had displayed the ticket, but when I shut my car door the ticket must have blown off the dash into the car well and was missed by your warden. So I did in fact buy a ticket and, therefore, shouldn't have to pay a fine."
"Tickets have to be displayed," said Jane, brightly.
"Ah, yes I know that," he kept his voice even, "and it was, but on this occasion the wind must've blown it off the dash when...."
"Tickets have to be displayed," repeated Jane.
"Right," it was getting harder to maintain the even tone, but he managed to swallow his irritation, "I know that but the main point is that people buy a ticket, I mean, that's the whole point right?"
Jane didn't respond.
"That's the whole idea, to pay for the parking space for a given period of time, well I did pay and I have the ticket to prove it...."
"Tickets have to be displayed," said Jane, adding firmly, "at all times."
"I know that, Jane, but I'm telling you I bought a ticket, so I rented the space, and something occurred be it an act of god or what, but something occurred so that the ticket fell from my dashboard into the car well. I didn't avoid buying a ticket, I bought one, still have it and sent you a copy...." He was losing it, and losing her, he knew it but he couldn't stop.
"I'm sorry sir," said Jane, her voice still at the same equable pitch, "but I will have to terminate this call."
"Don't do that," said Barry, wildly, "it took me fifteen minutes to get through."
"Sorry sir," said Jane, sounding anything but, "I've advised you that tickets must be displayed so I can't help you any further, good day," with which she hung up.
Barry clenched his fists, incandescent with suppressed fury, knowing it was bad for his blood pressure but momentarily unable to get a grip. He breathed deeply and counted to 10 then punched the number in again. His heart slowed to normal during the enforced waiting period. He avoided looking at his team idling down the road, working on the childish premise 'if I don't look at you, then you can't see me.'
It was 10 minutes before he heard the voice he'd been waiting for.
"Hello, my name's Gareth, how may I help you today?" Smooth, silky.
"Hi Gareth," said Barry, aiming for instant camaraderie, "I'm having a little problem with erm.....a parking ticket."
"We can't take payments over the phone, sir" said Gareth, helpfully, man-to-man, "you need to send a cheque to the address on the back of the parking charge."
"I know that, Gareth but the thing is, you see, I did buy a ticket so this fine isn't really relevant to me."
"Was it adequately displayed in your car window sir?" asked Gareth.
"Right," said Barry, thinking 'this is going pear-shaped fast', "let me explain ..."
"I'm sorry sir," said Gareth, oil-slick smooth, "unless the ticket was displayed in your car window I won't be able to help you."
"I get that," desperation was taking his breath away, "but can you please explain the purpose of buying a ticket?"
"To rent the parking space sir," said Gareth, happy to oblige, "but the ticket has to be displayed. It's part of the terms and conditions. This is displayed on the sign where you would have purchased the ticket and on the reverse of the ticket."
"So you don't dispute that I bought a ticket?" This is not what he had meant to say, the conversation was getting away from him again.
"I'm not in a position to comment on that, sir."
'Stop calling me sir when you mean shithead', Barry thought savagely, whilst forcing his voice into an even tone, "Surely you have a procedure in place that takes accidents into account?"
"The rules and terms are clear; the ticket must be clearly displayed."
"But that's criminal," now he'd lost it, "that means you get money for the parking and then you get to fine people 60 quid with no recourse or....."
"I'm afraid I can't progress this any further sir," said Gareth, all firm and righteous, "so I'm terminating the call, good day."
"Don't..." shouted Barry to the dial tone, "You fuckin' bastard, right, I'll 'ave you!" he snarled, manhandling the number into his phone, cursing violently as each digit went in, heart palpitating ferociously as he waded through the auto service and this time waiting a further 20 minutes for an operator, neurotically convinced they knew it was him and were making him wait longer on purpose.
"Hello, you're through to Diane," yet another well-modulated voice. Were they churning them out of a fucking sausage machine somewhere? "How may I assist you today?"
He launched straight away into his speech, hoping to catch her unawares, "I bought a parking ticket and I placed it on the dashboard of my car, but when I returned to my car I had a parking fine ...."
"Ah, well sir," began Diane.
"If you could just wait for me to finish please Diane, you see I then sent a copy of the ticket and a letter explaining what must've happened to...."
"Was the ticket displayed in your car window sir?"
"It was when I left the car but it must've fallen off...it was on the floor," he was aware how piteous he sounded; it was all he could do not to cry in rage and frustration.
"If the ticket wasn't adequately displayed we are entitled to levy a fine...."
"Surely once I present evidence that I bought a ticket ............"
"Do you still have the ticket sir?" asked Diane.
Breakthrough, he thought, she's listening, "Yes I do Diane," he said warmly, he could cuddle her.
"Good," said Diane, her voice bright and even more helpful than before, "then if you look on the reverse you will see it says in the terms and conditions...."
He blinked. For a moment he was too shocked to speak, then he rallied, he'd come too far to stop on a technicality, "Yes I know what it says, but you're not listening to me, I paid for the ticket, I paid to park there and now you're fining me for an act of god."
"The rules and terms are clear; the ticket must be clearly displayed."
"Diane, please, am I talking to a human being or a robot here? I'm telling you that I bought your lousy ticket, I paid to park there, this fine is all wrong."
"I'm sorry sir, but unless the ticket is adequately displayed...."
"Right!" said Barry, "in that case give me my money back. The money I paid for the parking ticket, £3.50, I want it back. If you're going to fine me anyway then you have to give me my money back."
"I'm sorry sir," said Diane, sounding infinitesimally off-balance. He felt like he'd scored a goal at Wembley, "there are no circumstances under which we'd offer a refund."
"But I paid for the ticket, I paid to park there, so you owe me a fucking refund if you intend to sting me for 60 quid."
"If you are going to verbally abuse me," said Diane, balance restored, "I will have to terminate the call, good day."
He dialled again, he would do this all day if he had to; it now meant more to him than his job, in fact he would commit the rest of his life to achieving this one thing. Verbal abuse? I'll give you verbal abuse. He readied himself to launch a vitriolic tirade when he heard an electronic male voice on the other end, "We have received several nuisance calls from this number, therefore, I'm immediately terminating this call."
Hope you have a nice weekend
Cheers
Arun
Books in the Corpalism Series
'Corpalism' is the compendium editions which includes -
'Daydream Believers' is the Compendium edition which includes
'Wise Eyed Open' is the Compendium edition which includes
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