VBT – ONCE UPON A TIME, BITCHES
[image error]
Once Upon a Time Bitches
by Branden LaNette
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GENRE: Self-help
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLURB:
That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart.
However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after.
But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.
[image error]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXCERPT
Ever since I was 8 years old, I dreamed of an easy life. The problem with my dream? I expected that fairytale life to be handed to me. And when it wasn’t, I decided that fairytales were bullsh*t. Not that you can’t have a fairytale life—you can. What I understand now, however, is that to get a fairytale life, you’d better be willing to work your Cinderella-ass off for it.
Still, I held on to the fantasy of having an easy life handed to me. I wanted to be saved. To be specific, I thought I needed a guy to be my hero. So I went about trying to find one.
I dated a lot of guys. Lots of guys.
But as they came and went, I always ended up disappointed. Not a single one of them ever made my life easier. Things weren’t going the way I’d planned. WTF? Hadn’t anyone read the f-ing script? It was right there on page 43:
“Tall handsome guy with tight ass, great pecs and a 124-foot yacht named “Sh*tload of Cash” enters stage-left and sweeps Branden off her feet, and they sail off to Barbados.”
Even in my adult years, I would find myself just wishing—not just for prince charming to appear (which he eventually did in the form of my husband, minus the yacht and gobs of cash) but wishing for things in every area of my life. Even today, in my writing/coaching career, I find myself drifting into wish-mode: Why isn’t this easier? Why can’t things just take off and grow overnight? Is it always going to be this hard?
And when it comes to parenting, it’s the same thing. Why can’t parenting just be easy? And in my marriage, too: Why do I have to keep asking for things? Can’t my husband just read my f-ing mind?
One day I—still 8 years old—had the most terror-filled realization in a simple yet profound truth:
No one is coming to save you.
F**k. No one is coming to rescue me. Ever?
My heart broke. More like shattered. Yet, after taking some time to mentally digest this fact, I found this realization liberating somehow. Why was this liberating? Because it meant I could stop waiting for something outside myself for my salvation.
It put me in control. Newsflash, bitches: No one is coming to save you, either. Get it? No. One. Is. Coming. You’re going to have to save yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.
Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.
Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.
Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)
Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice.
[image error]
Contact Info:
Website: BrandenLanette.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Branden.Lanette
Twitter: @Branden_Lanette
Instagram:@@Brandenlanettel
Hashtags: #OnceUponaTimeBitches #OUATB
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-Time-Bitches-Fairytale/dp/1947814869/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RAFFLECOPTER GIVEAWAY
Branden LaNette will be awarding a $50 Amazon or Barnes and Noble GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.
Enter to win a $50 Amazon/BN GC – a Rafflecopter giveaway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for being here today. Tell us about you as a person.
If I had to sum up what makes me, me… it would be my strong rebellious streak. Just when I get put in one category, I flip the switch to make sure I don’t fit in there at all. I thrive on not belonging. I find comfort in being alone with myself in a quiet room. I live for those moments outside of the chaos that normally defines me. I like walking to the beat of my own drum, I like taking the Long Road and secretly I get strength from learning things the hard way, so I do this on purpose.
If you could hang out with one famous person for one day, who would it be and why?
If I could hang out with someone famous for a whole day, it would definitely be “Deadpool.” He is my spirit animal.
What’s the story behind your latest book?
Once Upon a Time, Bitches happened because of the personal journey I was experiencing. I wondered how many people could relate to what I was experiencing. Wishing, hoping, just wanting things to be easier and not fully excepting that you just have to be better. I wanted to empower women to save themselves and stop looking for answers in other places and other people.
What is your writing process?
Currently, my writing process is escaping the family and getting a hotel room and pumping out as many pages as I can in the course of a few days. Music isn’t the priority, I really am a fan of a quiet room. However, there are times that I need to get out of my own head and escape into the words I’m writing and music does that for me. I can listen to anything from country to death metal, 80s rap probably being my favorite.
If your book was to be turned into a movie, who would play the lead role and why.
I love this question because it makes me think of my dad. His favorite actress is Jennifer Aniston. That’s the only reason I would want her to play me, as a tribute to him.
What are you working on next?
I have some personal development training currently released in a test group, so I’m hoping to have that launched publicly soon! Of course the second part to Once Upon a Time, Bitches is also coming in 2020. My mind is constantly moving around how to make it bigger and better.
What advice do you have for other writers who want to get the word out about their book?
Network, network, network. Show up at places that hold your readers, don’t be afraid to promote yourself, if you can’t share and brag about what you’re doing, how would you expect anyone else to?
What is your favorite book on your shelf right now?
My favorite book is, The Secret. My current favorite read right now, because I’m finding I have blocks on financial issues, is Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I will take one book and just submerse myself into it for weeks at a time, audio, I read it, I take notes. It’s my secret power.
Do you have any special/extraordinary talents?
You know what’s really f**king cool about me? I’m super good at anything I choose to be good at. I spent some time decorating cakes for people. Like, really f**king awesome cakes. it was a hobby that I moved on from, but I was really good at it. I’m a psycho super speed reader. I also write as fast as I can read. I also make a really pretty babies! It’s probably easier to talk about the things I’m not good at. Like, live videos or public speaking hahahha!
You are given the choice of one super power. What super power would you have and why?
If I had any superpower, it would be that I could travel and manipulate time. I really love being pregnant and having babies, just that whole nurturing spirit in my soul craves having an infant in my arms, babies grow so fast. I want to rewind time and just experience the kids I have now all over again.
List 5 things on your bucket list:
My bucket list:
I want to take my kids on a world tour of REAL history.
I want a TV show.
I want to be on the New York Times bestseller list with every book I write…
I want to publish a fiction book.
I want to tour with Tony Robbins.
Not in that order. haha.
