Where Am I Letting Fear Have Too Much Control Over Choices That I Make?
Questions have power! 32 Questions: A Personal Quest Through Questions is my book. This is your invitation to engage with important questions to ask yourself. This week is all about Question #8 in 32 Questions: Where Am I Letting Fear Have Too Much Control Over Choices That I Make? {ALSO- As we enter the Christmas Season, be sure and check out my E-book Christmas Presence{Linked here} It includes simple questions, a few reflections, to bring more {Purpose} {Pause} and {Presence} to your holiday season. Fear is not bad and fear is not the enemy, let’s begin there! Fear is a part of the family and it serves an important purpose. There are times when fear helps us and can literally save us. However, fear is pretty pushy and somewhat manipulative and with today’s question, we can begin to look at how we may be letting fear hold us back. There are different kinds of fear. The fear that you feel when you hear a noise in the middle of the night and your heart starts pounding; fear with a physiological reaction. That type of fear is easy to identify. It is not the kind of fear that holds us back from making choices. “Fear can have a voice, but it doesn’t get a vote.” Elizabeth Gilbert There is a much more subtle kind of fear, one that lurks just below the surface. The psychological fear we can identify exactly when it happens and why. Subtle fear is harder to identify and more chameleon-like. It shifts shape and shifts the words, but the underlying message is always the same: “I am not enough. I am not good enough, my thoughts are not smart enough, I don’t have what it takes, someone else is better so why should I.”Sometimes we “fancy” this message up and call it something like common sense, logic, wisdom, or even perfectionism. I am pretty proficient at giving into fear and giving it a respectable title. The past year has been a year of starting to identify the fear and move forward with fear; not let fear keep me still. “Your fear will always be triggered by your creativity because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcomes, and fear hates uncertain outcomes.“ Elizabeth GilbertBig Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear Subtle fear may ask these questions (and more). What will people think? What if I fail? What if they don’t understand what I am trying to do? What if . . . It is all too easy to dress these fears up in logic, perfectionism, and wisdom when really all we are doing is protecting ourselves and NOT naming the fear. Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, has a lot of good things to say about fear and how it holds us back. She suggests that when we are going to start something we tell fear; it can come along on the ride, but it has to ride in the back seat and we will not be listening to any of its suggestions and for sure it doesn’t get to change the radio! (see the letter below) This approach to fear is so helpful. Fear IS a part of us and in all of us. But, fear can’t drive, can’t steer and for sure does not get to choose the soundtrack. Acknowledging fear (and then sending it to the back seat) is another way we move from reactive living (that stimulus/response pattern) to responsive living (something happens (PAUSE) then response.) (More on reactive and responsive living here.) Fear thrives off and grows with reactive choices. Fear is always in the driver’s seat when we are living in a reactive place. Another easy way to address fear is to ask, “What if it does work out?” “What if I can do this thing?” Change those “What if” questions from fear-based to success based! These questions are questions we can use in the PAUSE to quickly move from reactive to responsive. Where am I letting fear have too much control over choices that I make? Maybe it is time you have a talk with fear and tell fear to sit in the back seat! Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I’m about to do anything interesting—and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still—your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the road maps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.” Elizabeth Gilber {Excerpt from Big Magic – Creative Living Beyond Fear} Enter your email to subscribe– It’s only ever used to notify you of new questions from The Art of Powering Down. I’m super excited to be partnering with Genysys to lead this course. 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