Getting Back Into The Swing Of Thing

This week has been a long week. I started back at work this week and getting back into the swing of things has been difficult. Last week I spent most of my time living in Savannah’s world, it was heaven on earth. Then the week ended and I had to return to my day job. The pressure to get as much writing done first thing in the morning is there looming over me everyday. The desire to get writing done at night when I get home is there but the energy to do it is not. The guilt sets in that I am not meeting my page goal. I get completely frustrated with myself and lack of time that I have. I start questioning if I can get up an hour earlier before work. The truth is I can’t get up earlier because I already get up at four a.m. and I am exhausted. Getting back into the swing of things for the next two weeks before Christmas break is a difficult task. I am also looking forward to the break because it means I get to work on my writing and maybe finish book five but it’s the getting there that I am having the issue with this week.

I don’t know how to be okay with only getting a handful of pages in the morning. I push myself too hard and the ass kicking I give myself is harsh. I have added to my schedule doing karate not just for my kids but for me as well. So I have only two nights a week at home. I don’t get home until almost seven on karte nights. I am questioning why I signed myself up. The reason I did was because I have always loved karate lessonsI did it as a kid and missed it. Watching my kids has made me realize I wish I had continued with it when I was younger. So I added one more thing on my schedule. It means less time writing and more time away from home. Truthfully, I’m not actually losing time, it’s nights I would already be there but that is how it feels. Wednesday and Thursdays are my nights at home. The problem is by Wednesday I am tired and counting down to the end of my week. I want to zone out and sleep. I want to read my book, not work on one and that makes me cranky at the whole situation. Plus I need to work on my swag. I started to work on my charms and I got a few done but not many and had to get more beads before I could go any farther. I got the beads two weeks ago and have not touched them since. It is just one more thing I am kicking myself for.

What do I do? How do I make this better? I am working on figuring that out. The first thing I am doing is instead of looking at what I need to do for the week, I am focusing on one day at a time. I am setting small goals for each day. So for today, I am setting a seven page goal. It will start my week off strong and that is what I need. It will start my week off on a good note. For Monday through Friday my goal is three to five pages a day. It’s not much but it is at least something. Maybe I can take Wednesday night to work on swag and watch some TV with my kids. Thursday night I’m going to shoot for the stars and get on the computer. I may fail but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that failure will teach me how to handle not meeting my goals. I need to look at what my priorities are for each day until after my winter break. Winter break will be heavenly for me and I know it. I will be able to write and write and write some more. The downside is, I will be fighting this battle all over again of getting into the swing of things as I have been doing for the last three months.

The next step I need to take is accepting that right now getting a few pages done every day of the week is a win. It doesn’t feel like a win because I use to get seven or ten or even twenty pages done a day. Working full time, being mom, and everything else I do it is a win. Most Indie authors only write on the weekends. They get no time during the week. I should count my lucky stars I get to do at least three pages a day. I should be grateful I get to start my day off with what I love to do. The problem is me. I push and push and tell myself I am not doing good enough. This is my dream. Being a writer is what I have wanted to do for most of my life. I should be pushing myself but maybe I am pushing too hard. Maybe the standards I am trying to set for myself are a little too high. I am still trying to figure out how to break this habit.

The next step is for me to keep my eye on the prize. I think in all my pushing and ass kicking moments I have had this week, I have forgotten why I am doing all of this. I am doing all of this because it is my dream. It is what makes my soul sing. Yes I have to work during the day but I get to live in a world outside of that with Savannah and all of her people. I get to have conversations with her and Meri and Santiago and enjoy their company. I get to share that world with other people who love it just as much as I do. That right there is something I have forgotten this past week.

Take a break when needed. Accept when you fail to meet your goals and appreciate what you have done. Pat yourself on the back for getting done anything. Remember why you are working so hard. And don’t forget to keep dreaming. Until next time!