The Long Walk
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It’s been a hot minute since I wrote a song, but now I have three. They usually happen in clusters like this. I’m overworded from NaNoWriMo, so I’m not sure how much anything works, and mood-wise I’m a wreck, but I’ll take what I can get right now.
Another in my personal ‘paralysis’ subgenre, aka ‘poor you, please get over yourself,’ but it’s bound to happen now and then.
THE LONG WALK
When I was young, I was ready to fight
But now I lie down with fire dying inside
Watching everyone else taking sides
And still wishing that I could fight
I’m tired
I thought I’d have so much more I could do
But now it takes everything just to get through
I’m tired.
Not a day goes by
That I don’t think of dropping everything
And walking away
I don’t even know where I’d be walking to
Just away.
Away.
And I’d see all the things I don’t see on my screen
And I’d talk to the people who say what they mean
Or maybe I wouldn’t talk at all, to anyone or anything.
I’d just go till the rubber wore off my shoes
Until the world grew much bigger than squares of bad news
Until the road cut out at the end of the views.
I’d go until my soles were bloody and red
Until all of the madness flew out of my head
Deep down I know it would end when I’m dead.
But at least I’d know it was real.
Because if I have to be tired,
Do I have to be too tired to feel?
The course of my life, it moves chair to chair
And the truth of it is that I end up nowhere
Back where I start, ambition fades in midair
As I move back the goal posts as far as I dare
I’m tired
Once I dreamed much farther than this
And those dreams couldn’t fit on an end-of-life list
I’m tired.
Not a day goes by
That I don’t think of dropping everything
And walking away
I don’t even know where I’d be walking to
Just away.
Away.
Leaving isn’t the answer, but I don’t know how long I can stay
At night I’m too tired from the fires of the day
But I can’t go to sleep, knowing that it all starts again
And that I’ll never be what I thought I’d be then
Because we’ll never be what we couldn’t have been
So should I just throw it all away anyway?
I’d see all the things I don’t see on my screen
And I’d talk to the people who say what they mean
Or maybe I wouldn’t talk at all, to anyone or anything.
I’d just go till the rubber wore off my shoes
Until the world grew much bigger than squares of bad news
Until the road cut out at the end of the views.
I’d go until my soles were bloody and red
Until all of the madness flew out of my head
Deep down I know it would end when I’m dead.
But at least I’d know it was real.
Because if I have to be tired,
Do I have to be too tired to feel?
