Yet Another Generic Rich White DudeIt looks as though Mitt...

Yet Another Generic Rich White Dude

It looks as though Mitt Romney is going to win Iowa, at least according to the most recent polls. Gone are the days of No More Mister Nice Newt.

Gingrich briefly filled the vacuum that was created when Herman Cain evacuated the race after being outed as the SNL character 'The Ladies Man'. Then about a week later everyone remembered who Newt was and his numbers collapsed.

I miss Newt. He was truly evil, like a crazy James Bond villain stroking a cat in front of a bank of controls with which he plans to destroy the world. Candidate Newt would have been terribly fun. You guys probably don't know this about him, but he was actually the inspiration for the Metallica song 'The Thing That Should Not Be'. Cool, huh?

But c'est la vie. Mitt will probably win Iowa and that will thrust him deep into the front-runner's position. He is also leading in New Hampshire, a state next door to Massachusetts and a place where he has one of his mansions. It's practically a Romney fief and a certain shoe-in.

The fact that I am having trouble making fun of him says much. If this article were about Bachmann or Perry or, alas, my long lost Newt, I would have it written and scientifically hilarious inside 15 minutes. But it's about Mitt, a man so generic he makes plain white bread look like Mexican food.

I knew it all along, though. I knew the Republicans were going to field yet another generic rich white dude, despite its flirtation with "feminism" in the form crazy ex-girlfriend types like Bachmann and Palin, despite its casting of Herman Cain in the role of "token black man killed first by the terrible monster".

I always knew it would be someone boring, someone white, someone rich, someone male. Think about it: if there was a mentally stable Republican woman with brains and a heart, she'd be a Democrat. Seriously. So generic rich white dude here we come.

Romney is almost perfect for this role, having been designed and built by generic rich white dude engineers at the generic rich white dude factory in China. He says whatever you want to hear, revealing impeccable wiring and programming worthy of a sleek Steve Jobs gizmo.

Unfortunately for the Republicans and their regressive philosophy not enough people buy into anymore, he won't win unless the Supreme Court steps in and subverts the election like it did a dozen years before. Even I doubt they would try that again so soon and in this political climate. Besides, it's not like Obama is any threat to the status quo.

First Lady Michele, you can stop packing.

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