Why suicide and comedians are like steak and eggs…
So last night, I read the suicide note/final blog post of Joe Bodolai, a Canadian comedian who wrote for SNL and worked as a script doctor for other writers. (Among many accomplishments, including a walk-on scene in a Python live performance.) The post had been linked on Twitter by someone who made the comment, "He had so much left to give." Well, begging your pardon, respectfully, but it looks like the writer of the note disagrees with your armchair assessment. So you just failed your therapy entrance exam.
I've been thinking a lot how many people make these kinds of statements when it comes to people committing suicide, about how they can't grasp why anyone would get tired of life with the rest of you insensitive and unsympathetic people. I mean, sure, just today I read about a little girl hacked apart by her neighbor with a chainsaw, but just because there's near-daily atrocities like this in the news, that's no reason to get depressed.
But with comedians like Joe, or like Richard Jeni, people are more likely to completely ignore their private life and say stupid shit like, "He always seemed so happy." No, dumb-ass, he ACTED happy. It's not the same thing, but you couldn't be bothered to look beyond the surface. Because one thing you folks always forget about comedians, is first and foremost, they're actors. They act out funny scenes in every routine, and they speak in different voices and accents, even if they mangle most of them. Yet even when playing themselves, it's just another role they put on for the benefit of their audience. Comedians don't often let people inside to see the real person hiding underneath, because that person ISN'T FUNNY.
It's the same cycle for most funny folks. They start out just wanting to make people laugh. Then when they have some measure of fame, they also feel more pressure to speak out on topical problems, wrongly believing that fame also equals social clout. This is where things go downhill. It's because comedians will never be taken seriously, even when they're discussing the most grave problems facing our world and collective societies. Whole generations of comedians have spoken to the truth, only to watch the mass market laugh it all off, and never once think about the more important messages behind the jokes. And if the comedian gets mad and says "You were supposed to take that seriously," people bitch and moan that the comedian is "no longer fun." They're never allowed to be genuinely angry, because anger isn't funny unless it's faked. Carlin fakes anger, HAHA, so funny. Carlin says something genuinely angry, and watch the fucking cricket choir fill up the resulting awkward silence.
People don't care to watch comedians slipping away. People ignored that Richard Pryor, a multiple sclerosis sufferer like me, tried to commit suicide several times, including a self-immolation attempt in 1980. Why would he do it? Because his demons from the brothel caught up with him. Because the jokes stopped being funny to him, and the drugs couldn't make reality go away. So he did what the rest of you couldn't even imagine. He set himself on fire to check out.
People don't like thinking about Pryor like that. After the suicide attempt, they just stopped talking about him unless it was in the context of his sketches and monologues. This compartmentalizing denial helps you stop thinking about Richard Jeni, about Joe Bodolai, about Ray Combs. Why? Because feigning confusion about why people are depressed means you can continue on in the same fucking lifelong trainwreck you're involved in without thinking of anyone else.
When exactly did this lack of empathy become fashionable? Was it around the time that people started insisting on only reading people they agree with, who give them only what they want to think? Is it our need for filtering out "noise" that we've desensitized ourselves to genuine pain and suffering? Why do people instantly say "I just can't understand this," instead of shutting their mouths and engaging their brains?
Read Joe's note. A lot of what he's saying is true. Some of it is misguided, but shit, the man was suicidal. He wasn't exactly in a great frame of mind, was he? So instead of asking why he couldn't be happy with what he had, why can't you look at the things that troubled him? Why won't you admit that his burdens look a lot like yours? Because then your act of whistling past the grave starts to look naive. Because you pretend that you can't understand, but deep down, you have to know the right set of circumstances can put you in the same frame of mind. Then you'd have to look around and realize how few of your friends could form a net to catch you if you fell. They aren't looking for warning signs from you either, and even when you're putting them out, they still won't know to look.
Are there ways to see the warning signs? Yes. But they all require people who care to look at each other, and increasingly, people no longer look at each other unless it's to scowl over an "inappropriate behavior." We're all too busy fighting for ourselves to notice the suffering we inflict by engaging in this rat race competition.
The game is fixed. We all know it. We all know there's no real victory in the race, because there is no checkered flag or victory lap. We just collect stuff until we're ready to die. For some people, life is a fight on its own, and they will struggle for every last breath no matter what job they may do. But there are others who get weary of this world, not because of the world itself, but because of all the evil people who do absolutely nothing, and then proclaim, "Hey, I'm a good person."
No, you aren't. No one is. That's the hard divisive truth that no one wants to acknowledge. To deal with these problems, we'd have to be willing to discuss them publicly. Comedians try to do this, but most everyone else just pretends to before stating the same opinions they've always held: "Not my fault, so I don't see why I should bother working to fix it."
Comedians get up on stages and tell jokes about big problems, and somewhere in their set are the words that nobody acknowledges: "We need to talk." We need to talk. Some of us are ready for the world to really change for the better. But we're just a minority, and the people in power have the rest of you convinced that it's better to just keep plodding along with the same plan even if history shows it won't work.
Yes, you're still crashing. Yes, your leaders are trying to plot against you. Yes, they have the help of big banks and big media. There's no need to invent more elaborate conspiracies when even the black Democrat is willing to murder people with impunity using remote control drones. When even the black Democrat is in bed with the banks and signing off on torturing an American soldier, I'm no longer Godwining by comparing Americans to Nazis. Secret torture camps? Check. Kidnapping innocent civilians in countries where you have no legal jurisdiction? Check. The wholesale slaughter of hundreds of civilians using a chemical agent? Check.
And the worst part is, just like the German citizens who disagreed with Hitler, you people sit at home and do nothing. Because you don't care, and nobody can make you care. Not with impassioned speeches or a funny monologue. Nothing will get you people to look at yourselves and say "Oh, shit, I did become evil."
So here in a few weeks, someone else will check out for the same reasons as Joe, because he's tired of being fucked by other people and being unable to help others because somewhere, someone else ties their hands just because they can. They get tired of watching children being raped and murdered while politicians talk about "do it to protect our most valuable resource." Do you know why politicians call children resources? Because it honestly expresses their intention to exploit your kids. And despite the obviousness of their plans, you'll still hand the tykes off to let your political team captain kiss your kid.
It's all a sham and a shell game, and you don't want to hear the truth. You still want to believe that the system can be fixed, even though it was never working right in the first place. You sit tight and force the victims to be quiet, and you never change for the better.
That's why people commit suicide. Not because they're giving up on life. Because they've given up on the rest of you.
