Down With Santa
In the dead of night people gathered on the boardwalk and waited for Santa Claus to fly by. They stared up at the sky and then glanced at their watches and cell phones. Each had a look on their face like damn, he should have been here by now. I was there too, wondering exactly how they were going to make this happen, make Santa appear to the masses. I had never seen Santa fly by. I've seen him in public places asking kids to sit on his lap so he could lie to them, but never had I seen him fly through the sky with his reindeer like E.T. across the profile of the moon. Keep in mind, it wasn't until this day that I truly thought about what a detriment Santa Claus could be and probably is.
Suddenly, up in the sky, I saw the unthinkable--Santa on his sleigh being pulled by reindeer. What I couldn't ignore though was the fact that they weren't real deer but rather a long fluorescent object hanging from a helicopter that if you were four or five or six years old could be misconstrued as Santa and his reindeer. For some reason the kids in attendance didn't notice the helicopter and as if they were abducted by aliens they probably won't remember the helicopter occurrence. The kids and parents all waved at Santa. One person said to her child, "Did you see Santa?" And the little girl responded, "Yes, he's right there!" The little girl kept waving as Santa thwumped off into the distance.
Now, I'm all about having fun and lying to kids and finding time to relive the good ol' Christmas times of past but enough is enough. Being with relatives I'm reminded that some things just aren't that serious. I mean, there's nothing to worry about and nobody is getting hurt, in regards to the Santa Claus lie...right? I question that now.
The next day a good friend of mine called me and I told him about my new thoughts on Santa--the fact that Santa needed to go away and that his time here was done. At first we laughed about it but it was in this conversation I found myself saying some heart felt things. For instance, there is a certain amount of energy a person must spend to outright lie and maintain the lie. What better way could we use our energy? I mean, even without Santa we can buy gifts for our loved ones. Why not? Furthermore, and I thought about this one long and hard: I don't have any kids but if I did and I spent time searching for, I don't know, a meaningful gift, I would want them to know that I gave it to them out of love and understanding of them. Why in the world would I want them to think that instead of me showing my love and respect that it was in fact a fat man who flopped down from our chimney that we don't have who really cared to give you what you want. Why would I deflect positive energy? Why would I misplace it? For what purpose? What kind of tradition is that?
Let me put this in a different light. I once thought that after Santa wasn't real that Christmas lost its jazz to me. You know, now that I knew my parents were really Santa they made excuses not to get cool gifts. Excuses like, we don't have the money. Or truly silly excuses like, "We're going to get you something that you need." It kind of ruined Christmas for me. But maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe I stopped liking Christmas because, well, because maybe because of Santa Claus Christmas lost its backbone.
I'm not religious at all, and I don't wish I was, but at the same time, think of all the energy Santa pulls away from Christ. I know, it's a harsh thought, because many still go to church on Christmas. With that being said, kids, when they're most impressionable, they really think of Santa Claus and what you get from him rather than what they can get from Jesus.
Just sayin.
Last thing.
We don't need to get rid of Santa, merely update him a bit. Here's what we do. Tell the kids that if they're really good then Santa will give us a stipend or some kind of super gift card to get them stuff. Of course with a bigger family the stipend won't go as far, but at least it makes some sense and parents can still claim love from them going into the gifts. Now, we don't even need to leave Santa cookies, as if he's holding our gifts hostage. We wouldn't have to maintain the silly reindeer lie. You could still take your kids to the mall to sit on the fat man's lap and all and you could even teach the kids about Rudolph. It's just that, well, you don't have to tell kids about not having money. You can simply say Santa was friggin mugged for his stipends this year and all is well.
Merry belated Christmas and down with Santa Claus.
And I wrote a novel called IN BLACKNESS that you and everyone you know should read, probably immediately.
Suddenly, up in the sky, I saw the unthinkable--Santa on his sleigh being pulled by reindeer. What I couldn't ignore though was the fact that they weren't real deer but rather a long fluorescent object hanging from a helicopter that if you were four or five or six years old could be misconstrued as Santa and his reindeer. For some reason the kids in attendance didn't notice the helicopter and as if they were abducted by aliens they probably won't remember the helicopter occurrence. The kids and parents all waved at Santa. One person said to her child, "Did you see Santa?" And the little girl responded, "Yes, he's right there!" The little girl kept waving as Santa thwumped off into the distance.
Now, I'm all about having fun and lying to kids and finding time to relive the good ol' Christmas times of past but enough is enough. Being with relatives I'm reminded that some things just aren't that serious. I mean, there's nothing to worry about and nobody is getting hurt, in regards to the Santa Claus lie...right? I question that now.
The next day a good friend of mine called me and I told him about my new thoughts on Santa--the fact that Santa needed to go away and that his time here was done. At first we laughed about it but it was in this conversation I found myself saying some heart felt things. For instance, there is a certain amount of energy a person must spend to outright lie and maintain the lie. What better way could we use our energy? I mean, even without Santa we can buy gifts for our loved ones. Why not? Furthermore, and I thought about this one long and hard: I don't have any kids but if I did and I spent time searching for, I don't know, a meaningful gift, I would want them to know that I gave it to them out of love and understanding of them. Why in the world would I want them to think that instead of me showing my love and respect that it was in fact a fat man who flopped down from our chimney that we don't have who really cared to give you what you want. Why would I deflect positive energy? Why would I misplace it? For what purpose? What kind of tradition is that?
Let me put this in a different light. I once thought that after Santa wasn't real that Christmas lost its jazz to me. You know, now that I knew my parents were really Santa they made excuses not to get cool gifts. Excuses like, we don't have the money. Or truly silly excuses like, "We're going to get you something that you need." It kind of ruined Christmas for me. But maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe I stopped liking Christmas because, well, because maybe because of Santa Claus Christmas lost its backbone.
I'm not religious at all, and I don't wish I was, but at the same time, think of all the energy Santa pulls away from Christ. I know, it's a harsh thought, because many still go to church on Christmas. With that being said, kids, when they're most impressionable, they really think of Santa Claus and what you get from him rather than what they can get from Jesus.
Just sayin.
Last thing.
We don't need to get rid of Santa, merely update him a bit. Here's what we do. Tell the kids that if they're really good then Santa will give us a stipend or some kind of super gift card to get them stuff. Of course with a bigger family the stipend won't go as far, but at least it makes some sense and parents can still claim love from them going into the gifts. Now, we don't even need to leave Santa cookies, as if he's holding our gifts hostage. We wouldn't have to maintain the silly reindeer lie. You could still take your kids to the mall to sit on the fat man's lap and all and you could even teach the kids about Rudolph. It's just that, well, you don't have to tell kids about not having money. You can simply say Santa was friggin mugged for his stipends this year and all is well.
Merry belated Christmas and down with Santa Claus.
And I wrote a novel called IN BLACKNESS that you and everyone you know should read, probably immediately.
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