Choosing to Listen to Our Children
@bethvogt
My husband and I spent the weekend in Minnesota visiting our youngest daughter at college. I took thousands of photos of Christa’s volleyball team during practice and the two matches the team played on Friday and Saturday. We took her off campus for “real food.” But my favorite part?
The time at the Mall of America.
Let me explain.
I’d called the activity for the day on Sunday, our last day there: time together, just Rob, me, and Christa. But what to do? Hanging at the mall might not rank high on my husband’s list of favorite things to do, but the mall provided lots of room to walk and talk and yes, some more “real food” for Christa.
Late breakfast? Bubba Gump’s. Then we strolled the expansive mall and saw the indoor amusement park, complete with a water ride and Ferris wheel, and the art display of football helmets commemorating the 100th anniversary of the NFL. Yes, we took photos by different family members’ favorite teams. Unexpected dessert later in the day? A stop at Carlo’s Bake Shop for cannoli and a strawberry éclair. Neither was gluten-free, but it was fun to see Rob and Christa enjoy their treats. We’re also fans of the TV show Cake Boss.
And now I come to my favorite part of our weekend, which happened as we sat at a round table outside Carlo’s Bake Shop.
The three of us talked. And talked. And talked. For almost 3 hours. For most of that time, Christa talked. About life at college. Her classes. Volleyball. Her faith. Her friendships. How much she loved being in Minnesota. How much she missed family and being home.
Rob and I did very little talking and a whole lot of listening.
And that … that is the part of our visit I keep replaying in my mind.
It was a special kind of joy to listen to Christa talk about her life. What she’s learning. Her struggles. Her decision-making process. Her insights.
One of the greatest privileges we parents have is the opportunity to listen to our children. When they’re younger, they live with the whole “listen to your parents” creed, and sometimes … sometimes as they grow up, we forget to transition to talking and listening, overlooking the value of listening to our children.
Oh, sure. We’re the parents and we have things to teach our kids. Good things.
But I’ve learned through the years that my children teach me good things too. They see things differently than I do. Sometimes their approach to life, to relationships, is better than mine. More creative. More forgiving. More fun. And if I’m willing to watch and listen, I learn about who they are. And sometimes I’m changed in the process too.
Listening to Christa during those few hours at the mall, I recognized she’s still my daughter … and also that she’s changing. And that’s as it should be. There’s room in our relationship for both. And if we keep loving one another – and listening to one another – we’ll get through these college years just fine.
Choosing to Listen to Our Children http://bit.ly/36eln86 #family #change
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'Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.' Quote by Alan Alda http://bit.ly/36eln86 #perspective #relationships #listen
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