AttentionWar

Most persistent battle with myself is the one waged over my attention, the battle for being not necessarily "in the moment," but in being focused on decisive actions directed to the incremental realization of clearly defined priorities – in other words, doing what I'm doing when I'm doing it (those things I CAN control) and not falling prey to the seduction of unsolvable, unactionable, riddles and peturbations – those things I can’t control... family/families, online existence, the Orange Malignancy's hourly fuckeries – etc etc – at the slightest inclination of roadblocks before me on the prioritized path...

(... let it be said that the creative path – anyone's creative path – is anything but a highway – on its BEST days it's an ephemeral footpath of unending night through brambles, poison ivy, and nature's threats – real and imagined – with an Apple Watch-sized flashlight at 10% battery life as a guide.)

Anyhow: over the decades of the battle of this witless I, I've tried countless tricks and conjurings to rally the troops of my attention against the invading hordes of reactionary bullshit: for about twenty years, I meditated twice daily. Three weeks ago, after realizing that it had become less of an anchor to keep me in position but a pair of cement shoes pulling me deeper into a black hole of myself (and gifted me with a panic attack that lasted for three days), I gave up that practice and instead redirected all of the effort heretofore confined to those sitting minutes towards a decisive, conscious effort throughout the day – three breaths usually does the trick, catch and release, sometimes hundreds of times a day (the ceaseless joys of Hulk/Loki puny-god whiplash between dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder); anything to keep that dial in the center. Note: the run and yoga more than make up for the loss of the sit and the breathe which is, as is all too often the case, proving to be nowhere near the calamity I feared it might be.

Subject change: the further I get into THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES, the more I see its satire of the 1980s NYC hellscape as another essential read in the guide to understanding not necessarily the genesis of our current predicament but rather what passes for the "character" of the current seatwarmer of the Resolute Desk. We are in the BONFIRE presidency - DUMPSTERFIRE OF THE VANITIES?

(Listening): II, by Innercity Ensemble.