Different levels of food bullying, same answer: “you can’t have that!”
Bullying doesn’t happen
without fear—and there’s a whole lot of fear in food today! Food bullying
literally takes food out of someone’s hand—by removing choice, creating
emotion, or forcing an individual into groupthink mentality. Food bullying
means a homeless mom can’t afford eggs for her child, a farmer can’t use a
needed product, or a senior citizen guilted into buying food that’s too
expensive for her fixed income.
What does food bullying
mean to you? It’s likely different for everyone, but bullying typically appeals
to esteem or belonging needs, which is detailed in Chapter 9 of Food
Bullying. It can be done with the best of intentions, or to change your
buying behavior.
Source: Food Bullying Book, Michele PaynA California friend said
“Food advice, while possibly meant well, is not welcome when delivered with an
air of superiority.” That scenario seems especially true with mothers snubbing
other mothers because of their food choices. It’s not the “right” brand on the
bag, the label has the “wrong” claims, there is a “bad” ingredient, or the “right”
certification is missing. The result is B.S. behavior. As Beth Moore said, the
hardest thing about being a woman is often other women.
Food bullying levels
Food bullying levels vary
from a zealot stripping a mom of cereal in the store to those who judge others’
food choices to evangelizers dumping unsolicited information to those who taunt
by embarrassing others to shaming to the
full-fledged bully. Based on research and years of studying food conversations,
I’ve outlined six general levels of bullying in this graphic.
Judging others on food
How do you treat others
about their food choices? Are you judging people if they make different eating
choices? Several dietitians point to those who are yelling—and, consequently,
judging—about a certain diet or ideology as the only correct way to eat, such
as Paleo, Keto, low carb, high fat, and veganism. Judging happens across the
spectrum.
Let me just pause to remind
you—your eating choices are yours—and yours alone. You may be passionate about
your way of eating, but can you guarantee it will work for someone else? Likely
not. There are as many choices in how to eat as there are in what to eat—and no
singular right answer.
Taunting around the
food plate
Bullying online has moved
society to a new low, thanks to keyboard cowards. A small business owner
recently shared a Facebook bullying episode. “I was called a murderer yesterday
because I’m not vegan, and they said beef and dairy businesses were a ‘horror
show.’ He also commented about my cat profile pic. I asked if I should have my
cat arrested because he eats meat and must be a murderer, too.” She then
deleted the whole thread because she found it so upsetting.
On the flip side, not all
vegans are rabid activists and some simply want to be free to make their own
eating choices. If you’re one of those people who have slipped meat into a
vegan’s dish as a joke, you’re as guilty of taunting as the keyboard cowards
above. Both are examples of food bullying. Let’s respect choice, even when it’s
different than your own.
This also means we have to
be more sensitive to those with food allergies. After explaining her severe
food allergies, including the common allergy to peanuts, one woman shared her
bullying experience. “I have had a co-worker place an open jar of peanuts on
her desk every time that I was planning to meet with her in her office. The
open peanuts meant I couldn’t enter due to risk of severe reaction. Human
resources staff and two of my superiors laughed it off saying they couldn’t
believe she would do that. Yet, she continued. It made work miserable.”
Taunting in a different form.
“I happily eat high fat,
low carb and don’t expect another soul to eat that way. It’s my choice, and I
don’t need to be taunted by others,” a mom in Texas summed it up perfectly.
Let’s take a step back. Food is food. It’s a basic necessity. Eating choices are personal. The food you choose to eat is personal. That is no reason for any level of bullying. There is irrefutable evidence about our eating choices, yet food continues to be highly emotional on the chaotic playground described in Food Bullying.
Food shaming
As humans, we are driven
towards social acceptance, and being excluded leads to fear. For example, a mom
group determines it is necessary to purchase only organic products to be a
“good” mom. Any mom not conforming to the “groupthink” will be questioned,
shamed and then bullied into providing “acceptable” food or face social
exclusion. Food shaming has become increasingly common in parenting groups;
it’s important to recognize that exclusion, social manipulation, and
humiliation are all signs of bullying on the playground.
Creating doubt through
marketing is another bullying behavior that encourages groupthink. This
technique is seen in absence claims on food, claims such as hormone-free
chicken. Imagine Chris, the consumer, in the grocery store, trying to quickly
grab some chicken for dinner after a hectic day at work. “This package says no
hormones. I saw on Facebook that chickens have bigger breasts because of
hormones.” A quick moment of confusion follows and doubt sets in. “Yikes,
hormones can’t be good. I’d better buy the package that says no hormones even
if it costs more.”
How is this bullying and
B.S.? There are hormones in all food, unless you’re having salt for a meal.
Vegetables, maple syrup, and meat have hormones, just like every other piece of
food on your fork. There are no hormones on the market to give to chickens.
None. They have been illegal since the 1950s. Hormones have not made Dolly
Parton chickens; they have larger breasts because that’s what consumers have
demanded. In other words, farmers have bred chickens with larger breasts
because of eating choices. Marketing and groupthink tell you otherwise, but do
not fall for hormone claims on poultry or you are being bullied.
Shaming around food is very
real and increasingly common. One young mom told me, “My mom even did it to me
without knowing it. I had to point it out to her; she didn’t mean anything bad
by it but made me feel bad for feeding my kids fruit snacks.” Bullying can be
done without words. “Food bullying means others shaming me, even with their
eyes, over my personal food choices. Some of us are just doing the best we can,”
said another parent in a wealthy suburb.
You can’t have that!
The playground of food bullying is crowded and includes different levels of bullies. The first step in avoiding B.S. food is to acknowledge the bad behaviors, misleading or false label claims, marketing half-truths, and other unnecessary drama on the playground of food bullying. All of these bullying behaviors have resulted in a “you can’t have that” mentality because of food bullies. Read more in the brand new Food Bullying book!
