From Fear, Find Fire

The following short story is set in the world of Endari, the setting for my climate fantasy series. Below, you’re seeing a sneak peek into the early life of one of my protagonists, years before the events that will change her life forever. Enjoy!

From Fear, Find Fire

Shintau. The gutter of the Shendari Empire. No one goes there, unless they’re going somewhere else. Or to die.

Pebbles crackled beneath Selena’s feet. Sprinting down Nactur Alley and away from Old Vincent’s Bakery, she looked over her shoulder, spotting the large man chasing with a rolling pin in hand.

“You bastard girl!” He barreled into the crowd she’d just dodged. “If only your mother could see you now.”

Selena leaped over a sludgy puddle, vaulted the gates surrounding Bhan’s warehouse, and slipped through one of its wooden doors just as it closed behind a worker. Sliding behind one of the large rows of platted shelves, she ducked into a shadowy corner. Satisfied no one noticed her sneak inside, Selena reached into her pocket, revealing a scarlet heat-shard, one of her most prized possessions. Pushing fire into it, it glowed, and within moments it was lightly toasting the bread in her hands. A minute later, she bit into the loaf—the first warm food in over a week.

Vincent may have known mother, she thought, but he has no idea what she’d think of me.

Just like everyone else in the abysmal city of Shintau, he hadn’t been there when Selena’s mother died. He hadn’t heard the words she’d said, lying sick in bed. “Selena, you are strong. It kills me to leave you, but I know you will survive. You’re a McEntyre. Find Henrietta, and she’ll keep you safe.”

Problem, though. Who’s Henrietta? And just hours later, her mother had passed without any further explanation. So Vincent can say mother would have said otherwise, but mother said I’m strong. That I’ll survive. That I’m a McEntyre. She’d emphasized that fact. I’m a McEntyre, not a Thentir.

Selena took another bite of the bread. Its airy, humid warmth drowned out the rest of her thoughts. It tasted like cake, if cake lacked sugar. It was the greatest morsel she’d ever devoured. After a few minutes, she finished her meal and pocketed the heat-shard. Fortunately, Vincent seemed to have missed the Bhan warehouse in his search for her.

From the shadows, Selena watched the movements of the workers as they located goods to ship to far away cities. A few stood near her hiding place, but she’d used this little enclave of wood for weeks. No one ever noticed her. The next worker passed on their way toward a row filled with wine barrels—her opportunity to slip back outside. Wiping the crumbs from her ragged blouse, she sprinted out of the darkness, reached the door, and pulled the handle. Exiting into Nactur Alley, she headed back toward the bakery, hoping Vincent was still off searching for her.

Quite the mistake, she realized, for as she neared Market Street, Vincent was leaning against his rickety sign, speaking with three guards.

His green, hawkish eyes immediately noticed her. “There she is,” he said, wagging his finger toward the alley. “She might be only fourteen, but she’ll slip right through you! Get her!”

Selena dug her heels into the cobblestone and began a new flight into the city. This time, she headed straight for the market. Sprawling beyond Vincent’s bakery, a maze of tents and shacks blended into a sprawl of vendors, con artists, and merchants of all shapes and sizes. In Shintau, denizens could just as easily find a shard merchant from Fendari as they could meet a Chankor silk weaver. But it was Selena’s home. She’d always lived in Shintau. She knew the streets better than anyone else.

Green tent flaps whipped behind her as she dived through Carlo’s jewelry stand. The man gaped as she rolled over his table without touching a single ounce of gold. Around apple farmers and butchers and tailors she ran, the smells of the market complimenting the bread filling her stomach. The only flaw in the flight came from the shouts behind her—the swordsmen in Shintau-purple were gaining even as she somersaulted over a water barrel. These seasoned soldiers can run!

She darted around a wooden cart selling pastries and shot down a long grassy lane between rows of stalls. After a few steps, she slipped between two tents, nearly pulling the cloth down around her. She paused, watching two soldiers run by, and then a third. A sigh of relief arrived, but the feeling was short-lived, for their boot falls clanked back toward her respite.

She pushed further into her ill-fated hiding place, and as the third guard arrived, drew his sword, and faced her, she lifted the tent cloth, sliding into an unknown shop. She had just a second to notice the screams of a tailor measuring a half-naked man’s waist before she was back into the light. Down another grassy lane, she arrived at a brick wall, found its iron gate, and entered the fisherman’s ward, cordoned off from the rest of the market for its very obvious—and salty—stench.

Jogging past two or three stalls, she chanced a glance toward the wall, noting the soldiers hadn’t passed through the gate yet. Slipping behind a massive wagon loaded with trout, she spotted her target.

Benjamin. Right where you ought to be.

He was skinning a tuna, ripping its scales into a bloody mess on his table. Casually walking across the muddy lane, she slid behind his stall and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Benji, glad I found you.” She bit her lip, staring up at his eyes.

“Selena!” He dropped the knife to the table so suddenly it nearly fell off the wood toward his foot. “Uh, what are you doing here? Good to see you, though.”

The rustle of chain-mail alerted her to the arriving soldiers. She had no time to explain, no time to justify, she just acted. Leaning forward, she grabbed his mussy brown hair and pulled his lips toward her own, kissing him. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the three guardsmen round the corner. They weren’t going to pay any attention to two silly children kissing on the job. They walked right past Benjamin’s fish fest, heading deeper into the market.

After ten long seconds, she released the kiss. He stared at her, dumbfounded.

She winked. “Thanks,” she said, heading the opposite direction of the soldiers.

“You’re welcome?” Benji replied, though she didn’t glance back.

* * * 

During the day, Selena enjoyed the warmth and openness of the streets of Shintau. At night, she retreated to a place few wished to visit. Along the cliffs of northern Shintau, overlooking the Sea of Storms and Serpents, tiny stones adorned a flat expanse of grass, bushes, and tree stands. To the east, an unfinished ditch reeked of decaying embalmed flesh. Overlooking the deadly ocean, the mounds of stones symbolized the unmarked graves of the dead.

Beneath a willow, Selena pretended her mother’s body was beneath the earth, somewhere nearby. She knew it was probably in the mass grave over the ridge, but she avoided considering that truth. It was here, at night, that Selena found safety, away from the prying eyes of Shintau’s underworld.

Yet as she found safety, she also found fear, dread, despair . . . and ice, destroying her soul.

A particularly cold breeze blew in from the north, and far out at sea, lightning flashed inside the perpetual storms plaguing the waters. Sometimes, she imagined the sea serpents leaping beneath the lightning blasts, their endless dance sending a clear message to any sailors who wished to venture too far from shore. Tonight, she saw nothing, only her shadow shivering beneath the icy chill echoing through her bones.

Slowly, she gathered a bundle of sticks fallen from the great tree above her. Beneath the tiny pyramid of twigs, she placed a few dry leaves, crackled from the day’s heat. She had no flint, but she can pull fire from her soul—and her heat-shard. At least, on certain days, she can. If it’s too cold, I always fail.

While reaching out with her mind, she placed her hand above the tepee while holding the heat-shard in the other. The brown leaves were aching for heat to explode their dried veins. Her soul tugged at the strands, urging them to accelerate until energy overwhelmed and ignited in flame. Yet today, her power eluded her. Why? I literally heated a freaking loaf of bread this afternoon. And no fire tonight? Today, on a day when she needed heat, she cannot tap her power to bring forth warmth.

After a few more minutes, the effort took its toll. Her eyes drooped, even in the face of the blistering wind threatening to destroy her bones. Smashing her makeshift fire with her fist, she slid against the trunk of the tree. Between two roots, she pulled her knees close. The evening would hurt, but it won’t kill her. I think.

Closing her eyes, she prayed to an unknown god—any god—for a dreamless sleep. Solace didn’t arrive. Instead, the voices drowned her.

You are worthless. No one loves you. Your mother left you. Your father left you. You deserve no one, for you are no one.

Throw yourself from the cliff. It will end the pain. Join your mother. She wishes to see you.

Just end the pain. Join the crews. Let them use you. It’s better than this.

She wanted to scream, but instead, she bit her lip, a trickle of blood dripping toward her chin. She tried to pull forth the words of her mother, the words that gave her strength in the day, but the night smashed the thought like a bug.

“I thought, against all odds, I might find you here.”

A voice crashed through the darkness. Painfully alert, Selena sat up.

Blocking the moon, a shadow of a man looked down upon her. “It’s time you came home.”

A second, then she recognized the voice. “Papa?”

“Selena, this is no place for a Thentir. I expected to find you at Henrietta’s, but you’re here. Why are you here?”

Tears streaked down her face. He’d found her. The thought was both terrifying and joyful at the same time. She remembered the smiles, yet she also remembered the bruises. Blood. Bile.

But her bones were freezing, her arms aching. Her tongue was dry, parched for water. The man above her held out his hand, and she reached out, taking it. It was soft, it was warm—his tendrils wrapped around her consciousness and whispered, welcome home.

 

* * *

 

Potatoes. Inside the bowl, beneath the floury porridge, her spoon crushed the familiar chunks of solid potatoes. She remembered the chowder her father would make them, spiced just right with black pepper and garlic. Lifting the spoon to her crusty lips, she tasted the soup, letting its heat overtake her throat. Its aromas overwhelmed.

“Just like you remember?” he asked.

“Mmmm,” she mumbled through the viscous liquid filling her mouth.

“Good. So when did she die?”

They’d sat at the table for two minutes before he asked the question she dreaded. “Why’s it matter? She’s gone.”

He raised his hands in placation. “I only heard yesterday. I’ve been looking for you since then. Knew you’d need a bed.”

Selena slurped the chowder, swallowing before finding the next few words. Maybe this time, things would turn out differently. “She died about a month ago. Doctor suspected it was the pox.”

“A month? And Henrietta never picked you up?”

That name again. Why, for the life of me, can I not remember who she is? “I don’t know. Guess not.”

“Hey, look at me when you speak.”

Her eyes lifted, expecting flames, but instead—kindness, in his face. He cared. Somehow, he cared.

“Well, you’re Selena Thentir, you’re my daughter. You’re a survivor. You’ve done well. And now . . . we’re reunited. We’ll head west; forge a new life in the Reach.”

After another sip of the chowder, she dropped the spoon into the bowl. He’d called her a Thentir. That wasn’t her name. That was his name, but it wasn’t her name. It wasn’t mother’s name. “My name is Selena McEntyre. I’m not going by Thentir.”

With those words, she stared at her chowder, but she stole a glance further up the table, seeing his knuckles resting on the table. Further still, his buttoned green shirt. Reaching his eyes, she saw pain. Fear. Yet also . . . hope?

“No, you’re a Thentir,” he said. “You’re with me now. I know you loved your mother, but I’m the only one who can take care of you. So you’ll wear my name.”

I should say yes. She should accept his authority, thanking him for his sudden hospitality, even after his distance over the past year. Yet she remembered the moment her mother cast him out of the house. “You’re a fool, and you better never step foot near us ever again,” she had said, bolstered by the strength of the two spirit healers standing by her side.

“No,” Selena said, her eyes truly meeting his for the first time. “My name is Selena McEntyre.”

And with that line, her father’s steeled fire ignited. His eyelids hardened, his eyebrows creased. Her earliest memories returned, awaking in her crib to the screams of her mother from the room over.

“You will obey me,” he said, and he swiped the bowl in front of her off the table and into the barren wall. “This is my house. You are my daughter.”

She stood, feeling not only his anger but her own. The emotions, though having escaped her hours earlier, rose within her, fighting to escape and unleash their power upon the world. Yet in response, a cold embrace enveloped her—it was him. He was assaulting her with a spiritual magic entirely beyond her comprehension. Everything was cold. She couldn’t move. Her legs locked; she fell back into her chair.

“Don’t you think your mother tried to burn me, too?” he said, rising from his chair. “Do you really think you can beat me? You are mine.”

Selena wanted to shrink into a ball. Her back was against the planks of chair, and his power—oh, his power—quashed all her hope for a moment where she would draw upon her own magic, meager as it might be. Instead, she used her only remaining tool. She screamed.

The sound released from her lips for only a moment, but its blood-curling shriek sliced through the air dividing them. He stared. He understood. And he swung his right arm, smacking her across the chin.

Selena flew into the dirt floor, crumpling into a heap. Through the window . . . the moon, its white light contrasting against the orange flames of hell emanating from behind her father. He was practically anointed by rage, his spirit magic revealing his true soul. She crawled toward the door.

But seconds later, he grabbed her by the neck and lifted her, slamming her onto the table. “You’re just like your bitch of a mother. Always resisting control. Never accepting that I am in charge. You are my daughter. You will do as I say.”

The door slammed open, the force fracturing and reverberating throughout the shack. “Thentir, you asshole, get your hands off that girl.”

Somehow, Selena lifted her head, her line of vision reaching just over her chest. Standing in the doorway, a tall, dark-skinned woman was pointing a flintlock pistol straight at her father. Her black coat contrasted with her white shirt, but the ice in her eyes exuded a ferocity never before shown by either of her parents. 

“Oh, what makes you think you have the right ta’ tell me what to do? Where the hell have you been?” But as he said the words, her father stepped away from the table, pressing himself against the wall, the woman’s weapon eviscerating his will.

Selena, frozen with fear, remained on the table, watching the scene. Her brain searched for an answer, seeking a name for the woman before her. I know I’ve seen her before, in some distant recess of my memory.

“You thought you’d get away with beating her like you beat her mother? Did you think I wouldn’t find her? Just because I’m gone for months or years at a time doesn’t mean I won’t visit my best friend when I return. That doesn’t mean I don’t know where to find you, even when you try to hide in your shadowy lair.” The woman whipped the pistol toward Selena’s father, its wooden handle cracking into his ear. Blood splattered against wooden logs, and her father crumpled to the floor.

His concentration finally fracturing, Selena discovered an ounce of strength, pushing herself up onto her elbows. Horror spread across his face. His true self wasn’t one of rage or power. It was simply one of fear, projecting his own insecurities onto the two woman who should have been his family.

“Selena,” said the large woman, “are you all right? I’m so sorry. This never should have happened. I should have been by Theodora’s side.”

Only now did Selena hear her own breathing, releasing at a rate unnatural for most. She slipped off the table, falling to the dirt. Her eyes met her father’s, but they’d glazed over, alien pain reducing his soul to rubble.

The older woman leaned down between them, holding the gun with its barrel pointed toward the crippled man. “You poor, poor thing.” Her hand gently rested against Selena’s cheek.

Selena wanted to feel its warmth, but the world was black. “My father, is he all right? Will he be okay?” The words come naturally to her mouth, even as they taste like ash.

“That man, that man right there? He is not your father. Never has been.”

Not her father. She considered the words. She thought about the fists, the claws, the scratches and scars obliterating her mother’s flesh. She remembered the moments when he’d disappear for weeks, claiming he was off on business. But Selena knew. She’d seen him visit those secret places deep within the slums, where scum exploited men and women trapped in squalor. Scum like her father.

Yet . . . he wasn’t her father.

She pushed herself up from the ground with a little hop, her feet landing lightly on the dusty floor. The power previously evading her reach rushed into her soul—revealing every molecule in the room. Henrietta stepped back, most likely sensing the tempest raging within the girl—no—the woman, facing her tormentor.

“You aren’t my father,” she said, enveloping the man in a blanket of heat, intent on searing his skin. Towering over the crumpled man, she found the void behind his pupils. His emptiness. She recognized it, the same helplessness which had overpowered Selena since her mother died. The man was terribly—and justifiably—alone, especially in this moment. If I smite him, I’m no better than the shell of a man he’s become.

She released her connection to fire magic. His skin glowed a faint red, but nothing more. “You aren’t my father,” she said again. “You never were.”

A hand rested on her shoulder, and she glanced up at the woman—Henrietta. Selena noticed the woman’s woven dreads draping from her hair, and a faint memory returned from years ago, throwing a ball with her mother and another woman. This woman.

“Thank you for finding me,” Selena said, taking a step toward the door.

“Do you have any things we need to collect?” asked Henrietta.

“There’s nothing here I want,” she said. “It’s time to go.”

Enjoyed what you read? Then check out C. D. Tavenor’s upcoming fantasy release, LEGACY OF LIGHT, available December 3rd! You can pre-order it on Amazon, or check out its Advance Reader Copy, available on NetGalley today!