When It’s Wise to Take Responsibility for Our Anxiety
@bethvogt
I’m sharing one of my less-than-stellar mom moments today.
That’s always fun.
Okay, so sharing the time I went a little “cuckoo mama” on one of my kiddos isn’t fun – but it is honest.
My youngest daughter Christa headed to college in Minnesota a few months ago. We dropped her off early for volleyball tryouts on August 16, seven and half weeks ago.
We keep in touch via phone calls and texts and Face Timing and Snapchat and Instagram – my husband has a Snapchat account now. And Christa even has group Snapchats with her siblings. My mama’s heart loves that.
Christa’s been great about phone calls and texts, and when she says she’s going to call us, she does.
Except for this one night …
She’d had a typically busy day, between classes and volleyball practice and just normal life as a college freshman. She’d texted her dad and me earlier in the evening and said she’d call us later.
Fine. No problem.
Only no call came.
And it got later. And later. And later.
I texted her several times. Left a couple voice messages on her phone.
Still nothing.
And that’s when my imagination kicked in. All sorts of not good scenarios, the kind that only a mom can imagine. I ignored the “She’s fine” voice in my head as my anxiety built. I even checked with one of her friends, via that friend’s mom.
Stop shaking your heads. I know. I shouldn’t have done it.
Christa did call us, it didn’t matter that I was relieved she was okay. Or that she’d been in a Bible study and then had been hanging out with friends, forgetting that she’d turned her phone on silent.
When Christa called, I went “cuckoo mama” on her. I vaulted past my relief and let my irrational anxiety fuel my anger as I told her how upset I was.
She took it all. Explained. Apologized. And later on, I apologized for overreacting.
The reason I’m sharing this is because I heard something yesterday that I wish I’d heard before all that angst-ridden interaction went down with my youngest daughter:
“It’s not good to make our kids be responsible for our anxiety.”
I take full responsibility for creating tension between me and Christa that evening. I let my anxiety get the better of me – and I blamed her for it. Expected her to have prevented it.
She should have called when I expected her to.
She should have called sooner.
No and no.
I’m the one responsible for my anxiety, not my daughter. Not any of my kids, for that matter.
Christa’s a considerate young adult, with a good head on her shoulders. And I need to let the truth of who she is – and the truth of how our relationship runs most days – guide my thoughts and actions. Not let myself get irrational and dump my anxiety on my daughter, as if it’s her job to prevent it.
She has enough responsibilities in her life without have to deal with unrealistic ones that aren’t based in truth.
When It's Wise to Take Responsibility for Our Anxiety http://bit.ly/2op63ny #relationships #anxiety #perspective
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'It's not good to make our kids be responsible for our anxiety.' Quote by Dr. Drew Pinsky http://bit.ly/2op63ny #family #anxiety #choices
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