The guy who ad libs during the announcements.

"If you don't make eye contact with any of the cars or motorbikes, they can't hit you."

That's what I told my wife as I took my first step into the traffic in Hanoi, Vietnam.

There are no lines on the roads. No signals. No rhyme or reason to what's going on. Vietnamese traffic flows like water. Big buses, tiny motorbikes, pedestrians carrying loads of lumber that look better suited to the World's Strongest Man competition? They all just go.

And so I did. Right into the middle of the street, the cars and motorbikes peeling around me as if I were parting the Red Sea. Was it terrifying? Not at all. But there were frightening moments in Vietnam. Two actually.

I'm referring to the two impromptu speeches I had to give to audiences at the kindergartens Stuff Christians Like built. I hadn't planned on that. In the midst of a really overwhelming and emotional moment, our host Steve said, "Stand up here with me and share with the people."

I've never spoken via translator before and my first thought was, "Do I have any material about Vietnamese mountains? Motorbike jokes? Hmong tribal references that might make the crowd laugh?"

This is going to surprise you, but I did not. So in that moment of panic, I stood up, and instantly morphed into the guy who ad libs during announcements.

Does your church have that guy?

He's the one that turns a 30 second group of announcements into a 7 minute soliloquy. The best way to spot him is to watch the pastor's face, because it will usually be curling into some sort of "Jesus clears the temple, whip making" frown.

It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to be that guy. And, in fact, I'll give you a few tips if you ever get asked to read the announcements:

1. Be Eminem.

Your goal should be to speed through the announcements. Finish strong and then drop the mic like Eminem at the end of the movie 8 mile. Boom! Don't even make eye contact with the crowd. Immediately return to your seat.

2. Don't use the phrase, "Which reminds me."

That's the telltale sign that you are about to go off script. Do you know what people really mean when they say, "Which reminds me?" They mean, "Now let's talk about me." Seriously, when you tell a friend about something that happened to you at work and they say, "Which reminds me, I've been doing a ton on the leg lift lately at the gym. I really feel like my quads are making some gains," they just want to talk about themselves. Don't say this phrase during announcements.

3. Don't make jokes unless you're hilarious.

I don't know what the Vietnamese word for "bomb" is, but I definitely did at both those schools. I tried to make jokes about being a dad and how hard it is for little kids to sit still. Mistake. Unless you know that your material is rock solid and guaranteed to add a little levity to the announcements, bail out maverick. Do not use that joke. And if your joke starts with, "A Baptist, a Methodist and a Catholic walk into a bowling alley," it's not rock solid.

4. Let the pastor preach.

Here's an easy rule to remember, "One sermon per service." You're tasked with reading the announcements. Your pastor is tasked with the sermon. If your church does announcements after the sermon, avoid the temptation to put a "p.s." on the end of the sermon. If you catch yourself saying, "It's like Pastor Smith just preached …" stop. Or if you find yourself saying, "Please turn in your Bibles to…" and one of the announcements isn't a Bible verse, stop.

Hopefully this will help prevent you from being the guy who ad libs during the announcements. I didn't want to address this issue, but I felt like I had to, given that the Bible doesn't. Did they even do announcements back in the day? You never saw Peter saying, "Hey everyone, I'm so glad you're here for the sermon on the mount, but we've got a little bit of housekeeping to take care of this morning." I don't think so.

Question:

Have you ever experienced an announcements ad libber?