Anger Management Part 2 – Conversations with Chef Garry

“If a cook
burns a large piece of meat, which is very expensive, you will be angry.
Frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, maybe embarrassed if you were to be
supervising. How you then manage the anger will affect the cook for a long
time, positive or negative.”

A few weeks back I released a blogpost where I shared an interesting talk I had with my mentor Chef Garry. He taught me a great lesson about anger management. You can read it here: marcelriemer.co/marcel-riemer-globetrotter-nomad-chef/

Last year September I visited Chef Garry in Indian
Wells/California. It was a big moment for me to see him again after 14 years.
Although I only spent one night, Chef Garry made time for us to meet. For more
than three hours we chatted like in old times. We talked about God and the
world.

Yet, this “Anger-thing” still bugged me. I had been
reading many books about this topic. I racked my brain. I felt that I still needed
to dig deeper in order to understand anger.

“Chef, how I can channel the strong emotion of anger into
something positive?” I asked him.

This is what he had to say:

“Let me try to clarify:

Anger, to me, is not always a pure emotion, as white is not a color. Anger is a collection of other, baser emotions, and mixed, like colored shades of white. Different variations of the emotion we call anger. 

For instance, frustration, disappointment, embarrassment and
humiliation are key elements of what we then group under anger like we mix red
with white and pink, or bone white, or beige. So, the predominant base emotions
of each angry moment have different causes, and vary in intensity, and thus
call for a different response. 

The challenge of responding appropriately and managing anger,
which happens so quickly, comes from the body’s release of stress hormones when
prompted by our senses. That would include adrenalin, which is extremely
difficult to manage and is also very unhealthy with repeated surges. It is also
what keeps us alive in danger.

So reflecting upon your anger response after it occurs, and identifying
the fundamental mixture of basic emotions at play will give you clues as to how
to avoid anger and use the underlying emotions, and the physical response that
they create in the body, to move you towards resolute action, that is, to
resolve whatever is stimulating you towards anger. That is the productivity
part.

If someone runs a stop light and hits your car, you will be angry.
Assuming you are not badly hurt, jumping out and beating the other driver for
their foolishness will not resolve anything, and though you will feel an
immediate release of adrenal tension, later you will have regrets, especially
if you are in a jail cell. The anger must be redirected towards a resolution,
and this is the productive aspect. Difficult.

If a cook burns a large piece of meat, which is very expensive, you will be angry. Frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, maybe embarrassed if you were to be supervising. How you then manage the anger will affect the cook for a long time, positive or negative. If you yell, berate, embarrass or humiliate the cook, you will lose his trust, you will lose his good will and he will hide further mistakes from you, lessening your value as a leader and manager.

If you turn your anger into action, to be empathetic, discover why this occurred, determine the best way to prevent further occurrences, to train and reinforce proper technique and the importance of attentiveness, you will impress everyone and you will probably solve the problem. You will also feel much better later and will have produced much fewer dangerous hormones and more beneficial ones.

So those are my thoughts, though I find it easier to intellectualize
than to practice, I continue to be a student of myself.”

Are you hungry for more
kitchen wisdom?

Then check out my new book “Slamming It Out! How I got shit done in 5* kitchens” at: https://amzn.to/2MB8NZc

In this book I share with you my story how I became an
expatriate chef.

Now available as eBook and paperback version!

P.S. Check out my website www.marcelriemer.co for more great
content!

I am happy to announce that I am currently producing my online course “Leadership in the Kitchen”.

This course is schedule to be released by end of this year on Udemy, the world’s largest online learning platform!

Thanks for reading!

Marcel

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