on stuffing and gravy

It's the time of year tradition seems most prevalent.

We hold onto things that, through the years, have been ritualized as part of our celebrations.  For some it is the way a tree is decorated, for others it's the order a tree is decorated. For some it's when the lights go up on the house, for still others it's a real or fake tree. And that's just one part of the Christmas tradition, barely scratching the surface of tradition. There are the stockings, the egg nog, the*where* of Christmas, the *when* of meals and present opening.

Like all ritualized behaviours, some traditions are good or harmless and some are a little more extreme.

But here is the crux of it all: It's not the thing, it's how the thing makes you feel.

In other words, the tradition invokes a feeling that you are trying to replicate year after year after year. And the fear is, I suppose, that changing the thing will also change the feeling.

Now that my boys are 11 and 9, we have established our own traditions around Christmas, ones that combine some of what Steve grew up with, some of what I grew up with, and a lot of what we feel is right for our family of four. And while we welcome others into our home and want them to be part of Christmas with us, the rituals they bring can be overwhelming and tough to deal with. After all, does it really matter who opens the gift first or what we eat for breakfast? Really? Or is what really matters the feeling of family and love that those traditions invoke?

Traditions change based on the circumstances of life, but the feeling and intent behind them doesn't. Take our Christmas Eve traditions. For years we ordered the same meal from the same neighbourhood Greek restaurant. Steve's parents were usually there, the kids had calamari and pita bread, the adults drank enough red wine to collapse in giggles when putting presents out. Then we moved and part of that tradition had to change. Now I cook Roast Beef with all the trimmings, invite friend as well as family to join us, and still drink enough wine to giggle like crazy.

It is not the tradition itself as much as it is the feeling it evokes.

In the end, it's not about the stuffing or gravy or turkey at all, it seems. It's about shifting traditions in a new family environment. It's about adapting to *my* family's Christmas and letting go of the past. It's about moving away from what was and towards what could be. And most importantly, these changing traditions are about where we are right now.

My boys are 9 and 11, sitting on the edge of a massive change in tradition. This is it, the last year the man in the red suit exists in his current form. This is the year it all starts to change.

And so it should.

I am grateful for a tradition that lasted this long, for the suspension of disbelief and the youthful innocence of those trusting children. The physical manifestation of that tradition is changing – it has to – but the feeling of generosity, joy, contentment, and love, that it brings has nothing to do with the red suit. Nothing at all.

So in this year of shifting traditions, stuffing and gravy, I can only offer this: now, right now, is amazing. The joy and excitement of Christmas morning brings a sense of family so incredible and a warmth I want to wrap myself in. Whether the gifts are from a man in red or a gal with red hair doesn't matter. The gift themselves don't even matter.

What matters is we are here, now, together. That is the one and only tradition I can't live without changing.

So from my family to yours….HAPPY HOLIDAYS!