To be happy at home
“To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour tends, and of which every desire prompts the prosecution.” — Dr. Johnson
As the school year begins, I know how easy it is to feel a sense of urgency and even panic!
Time to sign up and do all the things, or at least to feel a vague sense of moderate self-loathing if we have little to show for what we have grandiosely designated our home “school” (for can this enterprise we embark upon, with so little actual credentialing or official benediction behind it, no more than a quixotic ramble in unknown territory, destined to bring nothing but mockery on our heads, be called a school?)
I think of the days of yore when I was given the grace in my folly and ignorance, to accept being alone* (I mean, with my many children, but without a “support network” or “online community” — such a thing did not exist — or “outside affirmation”).
*I had friends, but that is a bit different from what I’m talking about here…
I was afraid of being with my children only.
But — I discovered something that I will try briefly to share with you here, something I think others experience as well, if they try it.
“The more our soul is peaceful and tranquil, the more God is reflected in it, the more His image expresses itself in us, the more His grace acts through us.” — Fr. Jacques Philippe, Searching for and Maintaining Peace (affiliate link)
When a mother turns towards her home, this turning requires a certain detachment from the opinions of the world and a kind of blind confidence.
But if she can do it, she discovers something she may not have been looking for: she discovers peace, and as a welcome bonus, she discovers that she can think!
All jokes about pregnancy brain aside — and I know my observation goes against all received wisdom about toddlers not being stimulating, women needing to leave drudgery behind to do what really fires her up, and the company of adults being necessary for intellectual stimulation — the paradox is real.
Thinking happens.
She can think about peace itself, because she is free of the pull of frantic activity. There’s activity all right, but it’s what she sets for herself, knowing that she can actually just… not rush in accomplishing her tasks. This is very freeing.
She can think about how to educate her children, and what education is, and even, astoundingly, read a book or two about the subject. And even sometimes do it.
She can think about beauty, including ordinary beauty (such as she might bring about in her home and garden) that Roger Scruton tells us, “expresses and amplifies the human desire for settlement, for an environment in which things fit together, and people too.”
When she considers how chaotic and intractable the world is, and how fickle with its honors, she can, if she gives herself some breathing room, make her own home a haven for others. I know this is not a popular idea, to do things for others, with sacrifice. But it may be worth pondering.
There’s a fundamental change that occurs with complete detachment.
When she detaches from what consumes the world, far from losing or burying her creative skills, she can use them for those she loves in ever-widening circles, circles that ultimately include whomever she is called to reach, with a serene heart. I wrote about this here. All the posts are linked here. And I edited them and made a little book for easier study (at the moment only available as an ebook.
It’s true that this takes time — the results won’t be immediately forthcoming, fair warning. Again, it does take confidence.
“To serve is to reign.” — Early Church Father (see Mark 42-45)
“For the truth is, that to the moderately poor the home is the only place of liberty. ” — G. K. Chesterton
Devotion to home in this womanly fashion I’m speaking of is the best service, that is, reign — with leisure to think thrown in for good measure. I love that Chesterton gives us leave to consider ourselves “moderately poor” — in his essay (What’s Wrong with the World) from which this quote is taken, he demonstrates that wealth is exhausting — because the home is the end or goal of “every enterprise” and “the only place of liberty.”
Bits & pieces
Doomed to the consequences of bad intentions in urban policy.
Uncovering the reasons for pregnancy loss.
Really excellent review of John Senior and the Restoration of Realism by Michael Pakaluk, and how Senior’s vision can inspire your home and community, as it has done so many before (ours included!).
Thinking about sacred architecture: what should a church look like?
Apologies to those who just signed on the dotted line for Extravagant U, and fair warning to those looking ahead: More honest Latin mottoes for your overrated university.
Prosperity breeds idiots. Solzhenitsyn could not “abide the legion of fools who seemed fascinated, from a secure and prosperous distance, with socialist thought. In his foreword to The Socialist Phenomenon—an extraordinary book by his friend Igor Shafarevich—Solzhenitsyn noted “the mist of irrationality that surrounds socialism… “
You don’t have to play with your kids. By the way, this is an old idea, not a new one. It’s today’s parents, obsessed with what everyone else is doing and abetted by the social media vortex, who can’t let go of their children’s every activity, and who think the mother’s role is to be intentional, by which they mean having something to show for every moment. It’s the chirpy “follow your dreams” skeptics of homemaking who feel the necessity to demonstrate their involvement in what their kids are doing. Old-fashioned moms never played with their kids, unless they really felt like it, or even much noticed what was going on (though they read to them and gave them the occasional safety tip about those knives). But I think they enjoyed them more.
From the archives:
Green tomato chutney — I’m on my last jar now! It’s so good and not at all mushy. Perfect in ham and cheese sandwich.
Today is the feast of St. Regina and St. Cloud.
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