I used to want to be cremated and have my ashes spread somewhere, like in a mountain stream or something.

Fuck that. I may be a lot of things, but a hippie ain't one of them.

I want a monument, a six-foot high granite exclamation point to my life.

HERE LIES MICHAEL KINDT. HE PUNK'D THE UNIVERSE.

And I want the period after 'universe' to be a button and when you push it "Jesus Built My Hotrod" by Ministry starts playing.

CLICK!