Entry 1: The man behind the number

What follows this introduction is a diary I wrote in prison. It was written anonymous to protect me while I was inside. I had hoped to keep it anonymous to continue protecting me. Maybe because I’m not doing as well as I had hoped, because I want to move past that part of my life and start new, but perhaps I have to own who I was to really move past my prison time (something I’ve yet to do).
My name is Kyle Skinner. I’ll attach all the social media links for those who want to see me. I did five years in prison for possession of a controlled substance and two, near back to back, DUIs (one was a super drunk). I grew up above poverty, but below middle class. During my stint of normality, I managed a multi-million dollar apartment complex. I married my girlfriend. I thought I had escaped much of what you will read about in the following diary. I had this image of my wife loving me and my kids being proud of the hard work I was putting in (no harder than others, but I was full of pride and convinced of my worth). 
Six months into the marriage, I came home and found an irate wife. She dressed me down in a way only someone who knows you can. Not only did she not love me, I made her sick. She didn’t want to be married. She didn’t want to raise kids or live in a house. She had a new boyfriend she’d been seeing for months. He pulled into the driveway during this exchange. He was my opposite in every way. He was a lot like the men I met in prison. He drove off with my wife and took away the fantasy life I believed in.
Fast forward and I’m dating a twenty year old coke dealer, drinking heavily, and dabbling in drugs. My old instincts are taking over. I think I drank to suppress that. I think I went to prison to avoid that.
I’ve been out a couple of years and I have no interest in crime, which is the greatest feeling in the world. I still love the people who hurt me and who want nothing to do with me, which weighs on me, but I respect their decision.
Typing these blog entries, written in prison, has unleashed a dormant motivation in me. I ask you to respect me enough to read one. Just read the first entry. If it affects you, register your email and stay with me. Prison is a unique world of loneliness and violence and mistreatment. I was tapped into something special while there. I’ve lost part of that but believe this blog can give it back to me. I believe if you will read one entry, we will connect. I believe that connection will work like a prayer and encourage me to get back in the game of life. I feel once I’m back in the game of life, I’ll be whole again. Thank you for this opportunity. I hope you enjoy.

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