Living As an Introvert

At the end of a busy day, does your brain feel like a plate of spaghetti noodles? Mine does. 

So many conversations. So many thoughts.

I’ve discovered that I can’t sleep well until I untangle the plate of “noodles,” the events and conversations of the day. 

I’ve learned to pull the “noodles” apart and hold each one up and examine it from several angles and then pray about what I see. Then, I gingerly lay that “noodle” down and pick up another one. Eventually, I have a pile of examined “noodles” that I can braid into something like a necklace. Then I hand it over to God. At last I can rest. 

Some days I try to skip this untangling ritual and just go directly to bed. It doesn’t work. My brain starts the untangling process on its own. Forget about sleep!

John does not need to untangle “noodles” in order to fall asleep. He hits the pillow and falls asleep within minutes. He has even learned the art of falling asleep sitting up. Amazing! 

I recently read something that helped me understand this need I have to process and think through a day. In her book The Secret Lives of Introverts Jenn Granneman writes: 

“We [introverts] chew on ideas, turning them over and over in our minds, and often analyzing them from every angle. When you’re in ‘reflecting mode,’ it’s hard to talk. Introverts don’t think out loud like many extroverts do; we do our processing inwardly.”

Yes! 

Introverts and Friendship

How does this internal processing, untangling of spaghetti noodles, relate to friendship?

I had the joy of spending a week in August with friends I first met in junior high and high school. Roberta, Teresa, and I talked, and laughed, and remembered . . .  (And Roberta and I even played some clarinet duets!) 

When I came home, I needed to revisit those conversations and events and pray about them. I needed to give myself space and time to sit in quiet and think. It took a couple of days. And I found great joy in the process. 

After decades of trying to build friendships and understand myself as I do it, I have finally come to understand that as an introvert, I need margin around times with friends. I need time ahead of the visit to think about what to say and do or not say and do. (That’s why I love planned get-togethers.) And I need time at the end of the visit to reflect on it and savor it. 

A weakness? A character flaw? Or a gift? 

I’m still looking at all the “noodles” and thinking about it.