425. How to Get Rid of Junk Mail
BROWDERBOOKS
Facebook is not a user-friendly site.
First of all, yes, I'm on it, more or less. For my personal page, go here. For my business page, go here. And please, oh please, "like" the business page, if you can. Silly as it is, I'm trying to play the Facebook game, and "likes" are a part of it.
So I'm sort of there, though I don't know what I'm doing, and from Facebook I don't get much help. Having created a personal page, I went on to create a business page, Browderbooksbiz, but couldn't access it. If I googled "Clifford Browder Facebook," I got my personal page, with no sign of the biz page. And if I googled the biz page, I got everything but it. Finally a friend figured it out. If I googled "Facebook.com," I got the personal page with a link to the biz page. Problem solved! Simple. So why didn't Facebook tell me? Because it's not a user-friendly site.
And what do I see, when I go to my personal page? First, the perennial query: "What's on your mind, Clifford?" (Answer: sometimes something, sometimes nothing.) And below it, at the moment, a picture of President Trump, allegedly decrying the disloyalty of Jews who vote for Democrats. And below that, an ad for something called Bluetooth. And to the right, the earth-shattering fact that I now have 17 likes, and just below it, "You could reach up to 782 people daily by boosting your post for [I think, for the line is half invisible] $29." Wow! 782 people daily! And below that, a vertical list of people and the tabs "Add Friend" and "Remove," all of them sharing some mutual friends with me. Alas, these "friends" are strangers to me, and so are most of the mutual friends. So I click Browderbooksbiz and move on.
Browderbooksbiz: A picture of me and Silas with our heads cut off. Below it, "Page Education:Week 1: Start growing your audience." I click on it; nothing happens. Below that, "Write a post." So yes, I can say something here, if so minded. Below that, "Get more page links" and "Get more link clicks," and below them, "Get started with automated ads." Click on any of those, and you're buying a Facebook ad. Need I suggest that Facebook is out to promote -- or maybe overpromote -- its users? It is a not too subtle machine to suck money out of your pocket into theirs. But didn't I know that from the start? When it comes to overpromoting through Facebook ads, Facebook is suddenly very user friendly.
A friend, a veteran of the Facebook wars, informs me that I have joined -- wittingly or not -- the Hate Facebook Club. Perhaps I have. But I'm new, have lots to learn. The Better Business Borough hosts online complaints about Facebook's arbitrary account closings, and there are 1,412 Consumer Affairs reviews that (if you can get past the pop-up ads) report similar account disablings and other forms of harassment. No, I am not alone, and have yet to experience the darkest of Facebook harassments. Something to look forward to, no doubt. But maybe it's not irrelevant that the following post is all about getting rid of junk mail.
HOW TO GET RID OF JUNK MAIL:
A SURE-FIRE RUTHLESS GUIDE
We all get it every day, it jams our mail box, it offends us, it overwhelms us.
Junk mail: here it comes.
Oran Viriyincy
A veteran in these wars, I’ve developed a quick-fire response that reduces my junk mail by half to two-thirds. Certain appeals and scams I simply won’t fall for; one glance and they are out -- “out” meaning into the trash. Here are some of them:
· URGENT / OPEN IMMEDIATELY. -- Out!
· OFFICIAL PARTY BUSINESS / SURVEY ENCLOSED. -- I didn’t request it: out!
· How can 5 cents save a child’s life? (A nickel is enclosed, visible.). – A worthy cause, but I can’t give to them all. I grab the nickel. Out!
· PUBLIC SURVEY ENCLOSED. Response deadline: 9/6/19. Survey tracking: (a bar code). -- No time for unsolicited surveys. Out!
· GREAT NEWS INSIDE! But you must respond by August 19, 2019. -- That’s what you think. Out!
· EARN 20,000 ONE-TIME BONUS MILES. Total annual fee: $0. -- Another bank wants my money. Out!
· The contents of this package were recommended specifically for you. Confirmation is requested. -- No return address, but I smell a nonprofit. -- Out!
· URGENT: Important news inside. Plus a special matching gift offer. -- Another nonprofit that wants my money. Out!
· URGENT / Postmaster: do not forward. For addressee only. Please return within 14 days. -- Unsolicited. Out!
· A blank envelope with no return address, nothing. But the postmark says “NONPROFIT.” -- Out!
Be quick, be ruthless. They’re guilty until proven innocent. Of course a few items in the mail are legit; spare those. But when in doubt, out! It slakes our latent sadism, shows we aren’t dupes, gives us a sense of power, and brings us peace of mind. And when you take the trash out and see all those unopened letters, you can exult: They didn’t get my money.
Junk mail: there it goes.
But brace yourself for tomorrow’s mail; more junk will come. Whet yourself to a keen fury, then strike: out, out, out, out, out. In the war of life, you are at last a winner. To reward yourself, have a forbidden cupcake, and if the weather is hot, a sip of cool white wine.
Susan Slater
Coming soon: Five Wonders I Will Never See. And in the offing: Should gays savage gays? A controversy that tears the gay community apart and roils the straight world, too.
© 2019 Clifford Browder
Facebook is not a user-friendly site.
First of all, yes, I'm on it, more or less. For my personal page, go here. For my business page, go here. And please, oh please, "like" the business page, if you can. Silly as it is, I'm trying to play the Facebook game, and "likes" are a part of it.
So I'm sort of there, though I don't know what I'm doing, and from Facebook I don't get much help. Having created a personal page, I went on to create a business page, Browderbooksbiz, but couldn't access it. If I googled "Clifford Browder Facebook," I got my personal page, with no sign of the biz page. And if I googled the biz page, I got everything but it. Finally a friend figured it out. If I googled "Facebook.com," I got the personal page with a link to the biz page. Problem solved! Simple. So why didn't Facebook tell me? Because it's not a user-friendly site.
And what do I see, when I go to my personal page? First, the perennial query: "What's on your mind, Clifford?" (Answer: sometimes something, sometimes nothing.) And below it, at the moment, a picture of President Trump, allegedly decrying the disloyalty of Jews who vote for Democrats. And below that, an ad for something called Bluetooth. And to the right, the earth-shattering fact that I now have 17 likes, and just below it, "You could reach up to 782 people daily by boosting your post for [I think, for the line is half invisible] $29." Wow! 782 people daily! And below that, a vertical list of people and the tabs "Add Friend" and "Remove," all of them sharing some mutual friends with me. Alas, these "friends" are strangers to me, and so are most of the mutual friends. So I click Browderbooksbiz and move on.
Browderbooksbiz: A picture of me and Silas with our heads cut off. Below it, "Page Education:Week 1: Start growing your audience." I click on it; nothing happens. Below that, "Write a post." So yes, I can say something here, if so minded. Below that, "Get more page links" and "Get more link clicks," and below them, "Get started with automated ads." Click on any of those, and you're buying a Facebook ad. Need I suggest that Facebook is out to promote -- or maybe overpromote -- its users? It is a not too subtle machine to suck money out of your pocket into theirs. But didn't I know that from the start? When it comes to overpromoting through Facebook ads, Facebook is suddenly very user friendly.
A friend, a veteran of the Facebook wars, informs me that I have joined -- wittingly or not -- the Hate Facebook Club. Perhaps I have. But I'm new, have lots to learn. The Better Business Borough hosts online complaints about Facebook's arbitrary account closings, and there are 1,412 Consumer Affairs reviews that (if you can get past the pop-up ads) report similar account disablings and other forms of harassment. No, I am not alone, and have yet to experience the darkest of Facebook harassments. Something to look forward to, no doubt. But maybe it's not irrelevant that the following post is all about getting rid of junk mail.
HOW TO GET RID OF JUNK MAIL:
A SURE-FIRE RUTHLESS GUIDE
We all get it every day, it jams our mail box, it offends us, it overwhelms us.
Junk mail: here it comes.Oran Viriyincy
A veteran in these wars, I’ve developed a quick-fire response that reduces my junk mail by half to two-thirds. Certain appeals and scams I simply won’t fall for; one glance and they are out -- “out” meaning into the trash. Here are some of them:
· URGENT / OPEN IMMEDIATELY. -- Out!
· OFFICIAL PARTY BUSINESS / SURVEY ENCLOSED. -- I didn’t request it: out!
· How can 5 cents save a child’s life? (A nickel is enclosed, visible.). – A worthy cause, but I can’t give to them all. I grab the nickel. Out!
· PUBLIC SURVEY ENCLOSED. Response deadline: 9/6/19. Survey tracking: (a bar code). -- No time for unsolicited surveys. Out!
· GREAT NEWS INSIDE! But you must respond by August 19, 2019. -- That’s what you think. Out!
· EARN 20,000 ONE-TIME BONUS MILES. Total annual fee: $0. -- Another bank wants my money. Out!
· The contents of this package were recommended specifically for you. Confirmation is requested. -- No return address, but I smell a nonprofit. -- Out!
· URGENT: Important news inside. Plus a special matching gift offer. -- Another nonprofit that wants my money. Out!
· URGENT / Postmaster: do not forward. For addressee only. Please return within 14 days. -- Unsolicited. Out!
· A blank envelope with no return address, nothing. But the postmark says “NONPROFIT.” -- Out!
Be quick, be ruthless. They’re guilty until proven innocent. Of course a few items in the mail are legit; spare those. But when in doubt, out! It slakes our latent sadism, shows we aren’t dupes, gives us a sense of power, and brings us peace of mind. And when you take the trash out and see all those unopened letters, you can exult: They didn’t get my money.
Junk mail: there it goes.But brace yourself for tomorrow’s mail; more junk will come. Whet yourself to a keen fury, then strike: out, out, out, out, out. In the war of life, you are at last a winner. To reward yourself, have a forbidden cupcake, and if the weather is hot, a sip of cool white wine.
Susan SlaterComing soon: Five Wonders I Will Never See. And in the offing: Should gays savage gays? A controversy that tears the gay community apart and roils the straight world, too.
© 2019 Clifford Browder
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