Blurb Blunders

It's no easy task to take a seventy thousand word plus work of fiction and create a succinct blurb that sets the scene, captures the imagination and gives neither too much or too little away of the action within.
It's a tease. A hook. Click bait if you will.

Just writing - For God sake, buy my book already. Won't cut it.
Writing fourteen paragraphs, detailing the plot, the characters and all the world building information a reader could never need (nor want) - won't cut it either.

When an author gets a blurb right. It in itself is a little bit of magic. Instantly you need, have, to know more. Price be damned. Doesn't matter if you already mid way though six other books, you need this book, and you need it now.

However, when an author gets is so very wrong. I don't know about you but I find my nose screwing up as if I've smelt something bad and I can't click away from the page fast enough. Doesn't matter if it is free. Don't care if there are five hundred five star reviews. You blunder on the blurb, count me out.

Blurb no-no's:

So busy detailing all your awards (seriously, some of them can't be real) that I can't even find where the actual blurb telling me about your book starts. I scroll down, scroll down some more, then I get tired of you rubbing it in my face how great you are and I click away.

Same goes with comparing yourself to a heap of other authors. One, two maybe, and even then it is a dangerous and slippery slope you are on unknown author who suddenly puts themselves in the same bracket as Darynda Jones or Shelly Laurenston. It makes me wary. It potentially makes me run away.

Starting your blurb with a review. Fine and dandy if it is short and sweet. Not too gushing (did your mum write that one?) And doesn't give too much of the storyline away. Major whoops factor on one such review included in the blurb that told me who the murderer was. Doh!

Just repeating the title and elaborating on it. When you have a book titled My best friend's ex-husband's secret baby. Telling me anything in a blurb seems kind of pointless.

Spelling mistakes in the blurb. No one is perfect but an author should try really hard to present a high quality product when it comes to the packaging. I can forgive a few errors when I am swept up into a story, but in the blurb? That screams amateur hour.

Detailing the entire plot in the blurb. Um, okay, then why the hell would I read the book? No suspense. No surprises.

Listing a heap of magical/alien races and then providing me with a confusing complicated synopsis that leaves me scratching my head. Who did what now? And what do they want?

Keeping things fresh is important. Every author and their best selling dog appears to be releasing a PNR book featuring a heroine who has a SECRET. I'm so over this plot device. Everyone would kill her if only they knew who she 'really' was. She can never be with him because of who she 'really' is. She lives a lie, invariably in some grim apartment with a job in a tacky bar because she is running/hiding because she has... yes, you guessed it. A secret.

Same goes for presenting the heroine as a special snowflake. I get she is kick ass. Smart. Magically gifted etc, etc. And I will probably enjoy her story but... at the same time I can only heave a sigh as I read the blurb, thinking, another one? Please, let the special snowflake just own her powers/individuality - and let's not make a big song and dance about it.

This one is probably just my problem - but sometimes the Hero or Heroine name is just so torturously twee or has such mangled spelling that I just can't subject myself to reading an entire book featuring said character. I'm talking about names like Kynnth, Mhurder, and never, just can't go there - Clive.

Luckily for me there are a heap of authors out there who are blurb maestros. Who avoid all the blunders and give nothing but great blurbs.
Hoping you only find their works also.

Happy five star reading.