Somber Sunday
I feel the need to ramble, to let my thoughts come forth no matter what's on my mind... But I'll spare you from the mundane, inconsequential, or sporadic spewing.
I will say, as time goes on, I'm seeing more and more the full circle of life. I knew these moments would arise, but I had hoped for what we all wish for - more time. With my father gone for over nineteen years now, during that period, my mom's either lived with us or near us, remaining single, and dependent on me and hubby, as we're her closest relatives. Which really, I usually never minded, as I love my mom! We have our differences, but in the end, she's my mom.
I'll skip all the detailing of her decline and just say it's time for her to no longer drive. It's difficult, it plain sucks, and it's an admittance of her giving up a part of her freedom and independence. But for her safety and those around her, it's time. So now comes the part of her and I rearranging our schedules in order to compensate, which we'll get through.
On top of that, some other 'things' just weren't going as planned with one thing piling on top of another, and I felt overwhelmed and needed a break. Then I felt guilty for my feelings. But if I'm expected to continue to operate, as well as become caretaker to my mother, I certainly need to take care of me.
I hear it all the time; I even tell patients that as well. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.
I sat down last night and poured out my emotions, and this is the result:
Stormy emotions~
her mind is a frenzy, her body sore
her screams are silent, rattling her core
her thoughts are scattered, her soul aches
her spirit weary, her heart about to break
the wind howls, whipping violently around
with feet planted, will she stay aground
the seas rage, battering the shore
can she herself stand much more
she does it all, trying to please
but who does for her, giving her burdens an ease
can she bend and not break, remaining strong
paste on a smile, showing nothing is wrong
her empathy is compassion, taking a toll
still she shines her light, knowing no other role
emotions eventually settle, her partner by her side
with peace and reflection, love will stem the tide
be selfish, be giving
balance is key
give joy, accept praise
as it’s meant to be
It was a way to express my thoughts and emotions, and vent. It didn't ease everything, but it helped. And I'm thankful for my husband, for his patience, support, and understanding. I guess after twenty-nine years, we've come to know one another pretty well. ;)
So at the end of my ramblings, what I leave you with is this (for whatever it's worth). Find a way to unburden yourself, to relieve whatever strain is in your life, in order to continue with sanity and strength. Because chances are YOU, reading this right now, do much more than many give you credit for! Find your outlet and be selfish at times, whether you write, read, knit, go to a movie, or take a walk... do for you.
Be sure to thank those in your life who offer support, and praise your loved ones who stand by your side.
Until next time, be happy! xo
I will say, as time goes on, I'm seeing more and more the full circle of life. I knew these moments would arise, but I had hoped for what we all wish for - more time. With my father gone for over nineteen years now, during that period, my mom's either lived with us or near us, remaining single, and dependent on me and hubby, as we're her closest relatives. Which really, I usually never minded, as I love my mom! We have our differences, but in the end, she's my mom.
I'll skip all the detailing of her decline and just say it's time for her to no longer drive. It's difficult, it plain sucks, and it's an admittance of her giving up a part of her freedom and independence. But for her safety and those around her, it's time. So now comes the part of her and I rearranging our schedules in order to compensate, which we'll get through.
On top of that, some other 'things' just weren't going as planned with one thing piling on top of another, and I felt overwhelmed and needed a break. Then I felt guilty for my feelings. But if I'm expected to continue to operate, as well as become caretaker to my mother, I certainly need to take care of me.
I hear it all the time; I even tell patients that as well. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.
I sat down last night and poured out my emotions, and this is the result:
Stormy emotions~
her mind is a frenzy, her body sore
her screams are silent, rattling her core
her thoughts are scattered, her soul aches
her spirit weary, her heart about to break
the wind howls, whipping violently around
with feet planted, will she stay aground
the seas rage, battering the shore
can she herself stand much more
she does it all, trying to please
but who does for her, giving her burdens an ease
can she bend and not break, remaining strong
paste on a smile, showing nothing is wrong
her empathy is compassion, taking a toll
still she shines her light, knowing no other role
emotions eventually settle, her partner by her side
with peace and reflection, love will stem the tide
be selfish, be giving
balance is key
give joy, accept praise
as it’s meant to be
It was a way to express my thoughts and emotions, and vent. It didn't ease everything, but it helped. And I'm thankful for my husband, for his patience, support, and understanding. I guess after twenty-nine years, we've come to know one another pretty well. ;)
So at the end of my ramblings, what I leave you with is this (for whatever it's worth). Find a way to unburden yourself, to relieve whatever strain is in your life, in order to continue with sanity and strength. Because chances are YOU, reading this right now, do much more than many give you credit for! Find your outlet and be selfish at times, whether you write, read, knit, go to a movie, or take a walk... do for you.
Be sure to thank those in your life who offer support, and praise your loved ones who stand by your side.
Until next time, be happy! xo
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