It’s Okay if You Don’t Like Me…Or is it?
Here’s my confession. I’m a people pleaser, so I’ve been told. I bend over backwards until I become a human pretzel to keep the peace even if it causes a hurricane inside myself. I defend the underdogs because I feel everyone deserves a chance and first impressions are not always right. Or second or third or fourth. I wander blindly into dark alleys of life thinking you just have to have faith in people. I try to see the good, even when truthful reality smacks me in the face and I once again become the victim for my lack of discernment. I have the childlike trust down to a T. It’s the other side of the coin that strangers can be dangerous is where I sometimes fail.
I don’t want to be the cynical person who never trusts in the kindness of strangers, but I need to be wide eyed to the fact that not all strangers are kind. That’s a hard pill for me to swallow.
Now, let me get this straight, I want everyone to like me, but I have learned that no matter what I do. No matter how far I bend. No matter the depths I reach, there are some people who just won’t like me. And that used to kill me. It still does.
I do not know how much time I have wasted trying to win over the unwinables while I have left the ones who love me no matter what I do on the back burner. It was hard hearing a good friend tell me that I’m a people pleaser, but as I reflect. That friend was partly right. (Looking back in my past, I’ve had various people tell me this truth). Another one of my failings is the admittance of being wrong. But after much thought, I agreed. But it was still hard for me to grasp.
That is, until driving the other day and a thought flooded my brain.
“Eric, how can you think that everyone will like you when everyone didn’t like Jesus. Are you better than Him?” That thought figuratively put a U-Turn in my thought process.
Who am I to think everyone should like me? No one person in all of history has been loved and adored by everyone. So why should I be the exception? It is still a humbling thought. I’m still grappling and wrestling with how to live my life in the coming days, weeks, months and years (I actually wrote this blog post months ago but couldn’t post it because I’m still thinking about these words) How much should I change? What should I change? Will my attitude turn negative or will it actually be better not having the excess weight of unneeded stress that I had put on myself?
Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I won’t. I still wrestle with the notion.
I see what people say about me being a people pleaser, but I cannot dismiss one of my favorite verses that Paul wrote to the church in Corinth “Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.”
So I don’t know what to think. I want people to be drawn to me so I can share my joy with them. People pleasers tend to be fake, but I hope people see my life as an authentic expression of a life. People may perceive my actions as pleasing them, but I’m just trying to do love and grace. The same Christ shows to me daily.
After further analysis I must ask myself, who do I live to please, God or man? I hope my answer is God. I hope I live to please God daily and by doing so my actions show the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Some people assume my actions are an act of people pleasing. But I feel it’s an of God pleasing. It’s like when you light a campfire to cook your supper. It’s primary purpose is to cook supper, but it also gives warmth to strangers who need a place to rest for the night. Just as my love is to please God, the people around me will feel the warmth of the flame.
So, am I a people pleaser? Probably with good intentions.
Am I a God pleaser?
I hope so. I hope He says I am.
Do I want to change?
Or should I ask, do I need to change?
Months later…I still don’t know.
I just know I like me. And I hope God likes me too.
Peace
