Ideals and actions

When I was younger I was not more idealistic than I am now, I was just more hopeful of finding creative or psycho-spiritual or scientific solutions to the overwhelming problems it seemed to be my duty to expose myself to. Tearing away a peeling piece of wallpaper here, peeling back a puckered bandaid there. My empathy for the suffering around me enticed me down the medico-healer route. Slowly it became obvious that far from healing the wounds of the world I was in effect shoring up the weary warriors to enable them to continue being willing participants in the toxic destruction we were collectively duped into supporting.

Then what? Work on self, transform self not through egoism but because in that way, by becoming more aware of my involvement in the systems of corruption, the possibility of transcending them was offered. Rather than efforting to dismantle oppressions one individual or situation at a time, then realising the threads which tie the whole heaving weighty armour together, the notion of simply replacing the garment with a higher order of magnitude arose. A shirt of light no less. No need to discard and burn the pestilential shroud, but allow it to fall away like a spent rocket which fuelled us only so far.

That humanity is poised on the brink of a momentous shift is not merely my understanding of course; far sharper minds than mine have foretold this. My intuition says that struggling to awaken others from the denial, dragging them through the birthing tunnel of fear, has only been partially purposeful. It is both too blunt and too ponderous a process. Instead of attempting to inspire a willingness to embrace change, with encouraging noises like parents bombarding babies with noises so they speak their language of limitation, perhaps if I instead return to my own story?

The mind sky is murking up, the light is hiding, the birds have fallen asleep. My usual solace of song has been silenced as if a cosmic blast has paralysed sensibility. These are all personally portentous pointers. Taking my body up to the sea, flying in opacity, trusting in lucidity, opening to eternity.

This i does not know who will return from the journey, but unless words fail me a voice will share it hereafter.