4 Ways To Get And Stay Happy
There are ways to get and stay happy, no matter what’s
happening in your life. Really. You see articles about this all the time. In
fact, I’ve been writing about it for decades because I’ve always wanted to
know. The first time I wrote an article about what makes people happy, I asked
them. I took a bunch of surveys. Happy people seemed like super people to me
because I worried a lot and wasn’t happy all the time. And I wondered why my
brain wouldn’t turn off.
That was the old days. We thought that good relationships,
being content with what is, keeping busy, and enjoying work were pretty good
answers for getting happiness. But guess what? Being happy is about engaging
the brain reward system in positive, not negative ways. Imagine that. It’s
neuroscience, not will power.
Get and stay happy with positive brain rewards
Our brain reward system doesn’t know the difference between what’s good for us and what isn’t. It’s just activated. Dopamine and other chemicals are released with brain activity. In the case of substances, our brains are flooded with chemically induced dopamine. We feel good, or deadened, or vividly alive. For a while.
Negative brain activity in a feedback loop might look like
this: We’re mightily tempted by something we shouldn’t have or do, then we give
in and do it. Eating that many cupcakes, and then wanting to do it again, for
example. Or we binge in another way. We feel bad and we feel good. We crash and
want to feel good again. Repeat the feedback loop.
Some things that make us unhappy are reinforced because our brain thinks something useful is happening. Take worry for example. Actually, please take mine. Ironically, worrying activates your brain reward system in much the same way as giving in to a craving. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between positive activity, which would be problem solving, and useless activity, like obsessing over…not being happy.

Why You Have The Sadness Habit May Surprise you
One quick note. It takes fifteen minutes to get over a craving. For that cupcake, cigarette, drink, purchase you can’t afford. If you can distract yourself from that desperate wanting for fifteen minutes, the craving will dissipate. Don’t ask me why. This doesn’t work for opioids and other drug cravings, however, so don’t think for a moment that willpower can overcome a substance use disorder. We’re talking about mood and the feedback loop here.
100 Tips For Growing Up In Recovery
The good news is that you can create your own dopamine
producing feedback loops. Here are four ways.
Be Grateful
This is on the top of everyone’s list for
feelings of wellbeing. This is because feeling grateful activates the brain
stem region that produces dopamine. The antidepressants Wellbutrin and Prozac
also do that job of boosting dopamine and serotonin. Just feeling grateful can
produce the same biological effect. Feeling grateful is a form of emotional
intelligence, and it can do more than just make you happy. One example is telling
people that you appreciate them. It creates a positive feedback loop. People
you connect with feel good, and you feel good. And it creates the feel good
activity you want to repeat. Note to yourself. If you don’t feel grateful, just
thinking about what might make you feel grateful produces a good feeling, too.
Give your negative emotions name
In other words stop denying or hiding your
feelings. A lot of us go around pretending we’re okay when we’re actually dying
or crying inside. Don’t think if you pretend you’re all right you’ll be all
right. Brain activity is working against you when suppress or deny your
emotions. When you put your fears, anger, worries, resentments into words,
however, whatever hurts loses some of its impact. I’m mad, sad, scared. Saying
it in just one or two words allows you to recognize your emotions and neutralize
them. It’s a boost to your brain, and you’ll feel happier.
Make a decision
Say you’re going through stress about
something and can’t stop thinking about it. Hate my job, need a vacation. Must
finish all those projects. How am I going to make more money. Worrying activates your brain in a negative
way that makes you unhappy. Surprisingly, just making a decision will break the
cycle and make you happy. I’m leaving on that vacation in April. I’ll start
looking for a job and see if something comes up. I’ll do some extra work to get
overtime. This is a shift from endless worry that tricks your mind into
thinking it’s productive to soothing your brain by taking a real mental action.
Connect and Touch
Feeling isolated, unloved, rejected are about
as painful as emotions get. And these feelings of aloneness can be activated so
many ways and replayed in an endless feedback loop of misery. People say that
connection is the opposite of addiction. Connection can happen in just as many
ways. Reaching out to someone else who’s sad and lonely, talking to someone,
holding hands, hugging friends and being hugged in return. These are ways to
short circuit misery and create a new feedback loop of happiness. You can also
achieve this dopamine boost in an exercise or yoga class, having a manicure,
pedicure, or massage. And many other ways.
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