On Tolerance and Acceptance

Some days fate just intervenes. Take today for example: I sat down earlier and started writing a post. It was a beautiful thing – witty, wise, erudite, everything you could want in a post. I was Moonsplaining something very important, when my computer took a giant dump and I lost everything.

After dealing with the initial rage that occurs every time a piece of technology betrays me (admit it, it affects you the same way too), I decided to take a break. I had a smoke, had lunch, did the dishes, brushed my teeth, took a long-overdue shower and, as I was drying off and trying to remember what it was I was writing about so that I could try to recreate it, I realized that it was really pointless, especially since I couldn’t actually remember what the very important thing was that you needed me to explain, and in fact it was probably a good thing the computer crashed.

There are enough bloviating assholes out there telling you how you should think, and why you should think that way. You don’t need me piling on. Especially in light of the fact that I probably have no idea what I’m talking about (just like most of you, in all likelihood).

I think part of the problem is all the emphasis on “tolerance” today. We’re told we have to be tolerant. To treat those who think, or believe, or act differently, or just are different from us with tolerance.

I think that’s well-intentioned, but wrong. “Tolerance” implies that there is something wrong with whatever or whoever you’re tolerating – at best they’re guilty of something they just can’t help, so you should be nice to them. The problem is that deep down, tolerance means that we think everything would be okay if everybody thought, acted, and believed like we think they should, so we need to convert them.

Thing is, I don’t know anyone who wants to be “tolerated”. I certainly don’t want to be, not by anyone. I personally prefer to be accepted (or rejected) for who and what I am (whoever and whatever that may be – the jury’s still out on that).

I don’t want to tolerate anyone. I want to accept them. I shouldn’t feel that you should change to suit me, nor should you need me to change to suit you. That’s what tolerance gets you. It breeds negativity, distrust, and ultimately hatred.

It causes know-it-alls like me to think that what we think about things needs to be heard by YOU, when the truth is that YOU don’t need to hear anything from me.

I’m not saying that we should be accepting of everything: for example, pineapple on pizza is just an abomination. However, I do have to accept that there are people out there who feel differently about it. Since there is no law, legal or moral, against it, I’ve just got to deal with it. Besides, other than their aberrant pizza preferences, most of them are probably pretty nice people. I need to accept them. I also don’t have to eat their pizza, and just because they’re wrong doesn’t mean I’m right (although I am).

The same could go for any number of things, including most of the things that are dividing us right now.

I’m also not saying that I’m going to stop telling you what I think. I’m only human after all. But I am going to try to do it in an accepting fashion, fully aware that you probably don’t agree with me. That’s okay. I might not even be right. Just keep in mind that you might not be right either, and try to be a little accepting as well.

Just a thought.

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