Sporting Event Of The Week (23)

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News has reached me, slowly of course, that this year’s Snail Racing World Championship has taken place, as it has for the last 50 years, at the Congham Fete in Norfolk.

The competition saw 215 molluscs slugging it out in a series of heats to determine who could complete the 13-inch course in the fastest time. Winner of the prestigious trophy replete with lettuce leaf was Sammy, owned by Maria Welby, the snail recording the respectable time of two minutes 38 seconds.

Festina lente, as the Romans said.