My Parallel Opposite

It is my opinion that possessing “the method” is similar to possessing the state of zen. Strasberg studied the method in Russia for a total of nine months before he came out with his own ideology and structure on how to teach it. The art could essentially be lost, but I was fortunate enough to experience and learn it from the best teachers in New York. I won’t say I am a master, but a practitioner of the method. It might take me another 10, 20 years to do it consistently.

Sometimes I ask myself, is acting an art worth pursuing, because it is so invisible and it should not be seen. A sign of a bad actor is when the audience knows he is acting. I am definitely concealing probably about 80% of the time and doing improvisations around 20% of the time. My scenes are mostly hits in audition rooms and I book the room regularly but not the final job. I still look like a teenager, it will be 10 years later before I could be a serious contender.

To test my acting abilities I would do murder mysteries (to remove any bias and recognition of who I am actually am) and see if I get voted at the end for best performer after the mystery concludes, which by far I get voted as best performer 50% of the time.

The unraveling of the secret self lies so deep, that it is so hard for me to openly say, “yes, I am a professional actress.” I would describe myself in a thousand different ways like Mystique and wear different camouflages to deny who I truly am. I had denied myself and sabotaged my own efforts to reach the highest potential in my life on many instances. I wrote novels, danced on many stages, but my actual dream is to act.

As it is with the Russian tradition, professional actors are considered the merger of “an artist and athlete in one.” I am working on my physical athleticism,by being serious about my fitness goals.

I always felt there was something missing in my life, which is my counterpart or what I would call, “my parallel opposite.” Recently it occurred to me I have found him, and met him. Even the knowledge that someone like this exist, makes me feel complete. It’s hard to explain it, but I can finally envision a future that feels right. It is a love that feels right, no matter how absurd it seems. With him, there is an additional dimension to my creativity that was previously untapped.

If it is the power of love that separates the good from the great, I have finally found the greatness within myself to go for my dreams.

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