How to be a little rough in the sack.

I've finished the informative book, Just F*ck Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom (AGuide for Couples) by Eve Kingsley. I must admit I feel slightly bruisedand dirty. Ah, I kid. It is an interesting book with many concepts foreign to anice guy like me.

Eve makes sure the goofy apemen who read her book are clear about thedistinction between being aggressive in a stimulating way and causing injury.To a certain point, that's subjective. The main lesson is there must be clearlines of communication and frequent feedback. Obviously, there's a bigdifference between a rape fantasy and rape.

Nobody said this would be easy.

1. Spanking – In the odd situation where I spank (morelike tap) a lover, I find myself reflexively raising my guard in case shewheels around and clocks me in the choppers. Eve recommends the spank besandwiched by caressing. All right, but that never prevents my girlish squealwhen I receive a shot (not the tasty kind served with a lime).

2. Pinning Her Arms Down – Men, when you're on top, grabboth her wrists and pin them behind her head. Make sure your legs are insidehers or you may take a knee to the jobbers. I also like to add in necknibbling, unless she's wearing a wool scarf; it's itchy.

3. Dirty Talk – I work with too many words to enjoy thiswithout giggling or correcting her grammar. I don't like being called names,other than "The Luscious Italian Tripod." For some odd reason, there are womenwho don't mind (or rather enjoy) being called one of more the following duringintercourse:
a. Slut
b. Whore (or 'Ho in certain parts)
c. Dirty
d. Naughty
e. Slave
f. Servant
g. Filthy
h. Mommy
i. Bad
j. Evil

4. Kamimaze Sex – OK, I made this name up. Chicks gettingly when they see that stairwell quick-bang in the movie Unfaithful.This is one time when the man isn't penalized for unloading in under a minute.When she least expects it and still wants it (good luck figuring that one out),shove her up against the wall/staircase, yank down her bottoms, and grind herinto the drywall/carpet. You'll probably cause some brush burns, so haveNeosporin handy. NOTE: Please don't do this at the office, daycare center, orin my kitchen.

5. Role Playing – Grown people do this? Really? Not juston Halloween? Reality has a way of obscuring fantasy and ruining the fun forme. Hey, whatever gets your blood pooling. You can play master/servant,maid/butler, coach/player (except in central Pennsylvania),quarterback/cheerleader, priest/confessor, officer/criminal, prom king/promqueen, or bar slut/bar player. Ooh, how about this one: author/reader? Saucy!

Could your love life use some freshening? Bring home lotions, toys, and liquor;mix in a little kink; and postpone your mate's consideration of trading yourboring ass in for a pug, hobby, or more open-minded lover.