The Year of the Epic Fail
The Year of the Epic Fail
By Kathy Reschini Sweeney
I am a sucker for the year-end lists. Love them. But it's only the 13th of December, not the end of the year, so today we are going to take a walk down 2011's lane and revisit some of the stupidest things ever. Let's face it, my friends, humans are dumb. As in moronic. Just when you think you've seen the most idiotic public behavior possible, here comes Charlie Sheen.
We really need to start with him. The Tiger Blood - the Vatican Assassin- the hookers and the blow - it was a real circus. Months later, nobody cares, the guy is in a fight to spend time with his own kids, and he lost one of the sweetest gigs an actor can have. Verdict: Massive FAIL.
More recently, we had the Kardashians. This whole family's "celebrity" is still puzzling to me. I guess when people finally got tired of Paris Hilton (good riddance) there was a void to be filled with vapid egocentrism. The apex of the greed and self-indulgence was some kind of multi-million dollar product-placement funded joke of a wedding. I've had sinus infections that lasted longer than this sacred union. And they had the gall to seem surprised when the TV people cancelled their Christmas Special. Verdict: Artificially-enhanced FAIL.
On to politics. Really, Herman Cain? Did you think none of your hanky panky would become public? Nobody gives two hoots who you have sex with, dumbass, but people care very much about the lying. Just as well, because frankly, I don't think people who quote Donna Summer lyrics from a Pokemon movie need to be anywhere near the secret nuclear codes. Note that I am limiting my politician fails to this one. That is because there are plenty to go around and your comments are always funnier than the blog. Herman Cain Verdict: Stupid FAIL, with extra cheese, hold the candor.
Let's talk about bizarre pseudo-religion. According to some whackjob on the radio, May 21, 2011 was the End of Days. But wait, he didn't mean that actual day - that was just the beginning of a very long day that lasted until October 21, 2011, which was the for real end of days. Nice going, Nostradumbus. I'm no biblical scholar, but I don't think the Bible is a giant sudoku puzzle either. Verdict: Fire and brimstone FAIL.
It was also a tough year for maniacal dictators - and thank God for that. I have to highlight one of the best lines ever in this section of the year's news: "Quaddafi said he will fight to the death; I'm cool with that." Verdict: Fittingly humiliating FAIL.
Before I turn the TLC Community loose on this topic, I have to mention one more - ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 112th Congress of the United States, who's motto seems to be "Shutdowns and Stalemates R Us". I'll let you fill in the blanks (the Super-committee: Unconstitutional and Inept all at the same time!) but I am not kidding when I say I've seen a group of babies who do not yet speak any language whatsoever solve toy-related problems and the equitable distribution of Cheerios with more class, ease and maturity than these asshats in Congress. Verdict: FAIL to be remembered in subsequent Novembers.
Okay - your turn. And yes, I will take the pledge to forever ban the term "epic fail" as of January 1, 2012. Unless the world ends before that. I can't keep track.
