"Pot should be legal. It should be, but it won't because you fucking potheads aren't out there making..."

"Pot should be legal. It should be, but it won't because you fucking potheads aren't out there making it happen. You're not out there every night like us alcoholics are, Affecting Society. Things have been invented because of alcohol, like the taser; the morning after pill; Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hacky sack? Hilarious ringtones? I will give you potheads one thing: you know your way around a microwave oven."

- Dave Attell