“We took a test in grade four. If you did well, you got...

“We took a test in grade four.  If you did well, you got designated as gifted.  I think I was the only one in my class that qualified.  The teacher had a conversation with my parents.  I was told I had unlimited potential.  I stopped doing my homework, and convinced myself that putting in less effort was somehow an admirable thing.  Arrogance became the default trait of my personality.  I loved to point out other people’s mistakes and inaccuracies.  I became good at winning arguments, not because I was right, but because I was intelligent.  The arrogance gave me form.  It was my anchor.  It covered so many fears and insecurities.  I became terrified of running into people who were smarter than me.  In college I’d stay in my dorm room and play video games, until I encountered people who were better than me.  Then I’d quit.  I hardly made any friends.  Now I work as a programmer.  I chose this career because it’s where I’m smartest, and I thought I had the chance of being the best.  But it’s just not possible anymore.  There are too many talented people.  Recently we hired a genius kid from Saskatoon.  He’s younger.  He’s better.  And I’m having to mentor him.  There’s a feeling of my identity being eroded and nothing being left.  It’s something I have to figure out.  I’m going to therapy.  I’m meditating.  Either I stop needing to be the best, or I’ll die of a heart attack when I’m 40.”
(Toronto, Canada)