New Outside Column!

Hey, it's Friday!  I give every last one of you full permission to leave work early and head out for a ride--and I also give you permission to dress like a total slob:


I'm sure my mention of flip-flops will enrage those of you who have overtorqued sphincters.

Meanwhile, it continues to rain incessantly here in New York, and so lately I've found myself spending a lot of time on my Milwaukee:


While I may run a multi-media empire (Internet, print, radio, interpretive dance...), I also manage to do so without a single employee.  Incredible, right?  However, to a large extent it's my bicycles that are my work force, and occasionally I assign them to different departments in order to maximize workplace efficiency.  Such is the case with the Milwaukee, which currently plays the role of long-haul commuter-cum-rain bike.

Of course, when putting the Milwaukee in its new position I had to explain to it that this was in no way a demotion.  Indeed, this is a role that requires strength and fortitude, and in many ways entrusting a bicycle to it is the ultimate vote of confidence.  Predictably, the Milwaukee, then replied, "Oh yeah?  Then where's my raise?"  I then explained that there would be no raise, but I would equip it with these theft-proof skewers so at least its wheels wouldn't get stolen:


Though arguably the filthy state of my wheels is theft deterrent enough:


In fact this past Monday I had to change a tube and by the time I was done I looked like the Wile E. Coyote after a TNT mishap.

But yes, few bikes lead harder lives than this one does, and I even wake it up early for dawn rides when it's raining:


The Milwaukee handles it all with nary a complaint.

Speaking of bikes and harsh treatment, I was perusing the Twitter recently when this story about someone who rode Dirty Kanza on a "Walmart bike" caught my eye:


Eagerly I clicked on the video, only to learn it's just one of those high-end crabon bikes sold by a company that happens to be owned by Walmart:


At that point I felt duped and stopped watching.  Get back to me when you try it on a $324 mail order special:


I mean really, what kind of "Walmart bike" doesn't even have a pie plate?!?