10 Ways to Help a Grieving Mom
Our greatest help comes from Jesus Christ.
A woman sat beside the casket of her son. Her eyes told the story of her heart. Pools of sorrow reflected in her tired face. The weight of loss settled on her shoulders, making it difficult to stand up straight. She tried to talk to everyone, but it took everything she had to just be there. “How can we help her?” people whispered to each other.
“If you need anything, just let me know.” The sincere statement came from a friend, but I am fairly certain the grieving mom will never say what she needs. Why? Because she doesn’t have any idea what could possibly make her feel better.
Over the last several years, as I speak at women’s retreats and church services, I’m often asked the same question. “What did people do for you that really helped?”
Today, I’m going to attempt to answer that question. Here are ten ways to help a grieving mom.
1) Tell her a story.
Nothing brings more joy to my heart than to hear a story about my children. This has not lessened as time has gone by. In fact, I would say it has even increased. I love to know people still remember them and think about them.
Write down the story so it can be re-read over and over or tucked in a scrapbook. It doesn’t have to be pretty or decorated, unless that fits your personality. The story is what matters.
2) Talk about your children and let her respond with a story of her own.
After the accident, people would start to talk about something their child said or did and then they would look at me and hang their head and apologize. I honestly wanted to hear their story. It made me feel like I could still be a part of life. My own life felt empty, so at least I could listen in to theirs.
Besides that, imagine what it’s like when no one around you knows what to say. The silence becomes deafening and awkward.
It was a long time before I wanted to add to the conversation myself. But when I finally did respond with a story of my own children, the room went silent again. That frustrated me. I wanted to be able to talk about them without feeling all the oxygen leave the room. If she has the courage to talk about them, join the conversation. Add to the memory, if you can, or just enjoy hearing about it from her heart.
3) Send her notes.
A forward on Facebook can be meaningful or funny, but nothing warms my heart like a personal message. Text, message or an old-fashioned card – any method works fine. It doesn’t have to be serious. The fact that you sent it means you care, and that’s what matters.
Don’t worry if she doesn’t respond. It may still be too early for her to have any words at all. Be patient and consistent.
4) Remember the dates.
The calendar on your phone is a helpful tool. Put an event in your phone for your friend’s special memory dates. The birthday of her son/daughter and the anniversary of his/her death will be meaningful days to remember. Check on her on those days. Invite her to dinner or a movie. Ask her if she would like to do something special. Notice if she posts something in memory of her child on Facebook and respond to it if she does. Everyone handles these days in their own ways. She may want to be alone, or she may want to be with friends.
I particularly love to talk with my children’s friends on those days. It’s a special connection that helps me feel my children’s love through their friends. I even took a trip near my daughter’s 25th birthday to visit several of her friends. I loved every minute of it. This year, my son would have turned 25. Soon, I will go see his best friend and meet his new baby, named after my son. 
