Gordon Brown: 'Re-elect me and I will hang all paedophiles, restore grammar schools and create permanent world peace.'

They say his party is about as likely to win the next election as Polly Toynbee is to headline a 40-date sell out stand-up comedy season at the O2 Arena or Michael Moore to enter a burger joint and say: "I'll stick to the salad today, thanks."

But as Labour begins what many are saying is the last party conference before it is wiped off the face of the earth, I can today exclusively reveal Prime Minister Gordon Brown's ten point masterplan to revive his political fortunes.

1. All Britain's...